LIBRARY OF CONGRESS. 



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UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. 



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BLOOD 



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IltT IFOTJI^ J^OTS. 



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By JOHN J. FOX, M. D 






BOSTON : 

PRINTED BY J. W. PITMAN & SON, 
No. 23 Water Street. 
1879. 



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DRAMATIC CHAEACTEKS. 



Marquis Max Mi'ddle. 
Gabhiel Hamilton. 
Mr. Breeze. 
Earl de Fot. 
Colonel Lyon. 
Dr. Craft. 
Lord Carra. 



Countess de Foy. 
Mrs. Breeze. 
Laura Bliss. 
Lady Carra. 
Madam Buzot. 
Mabel Buzot. 
Lady Max Muddle. 



Sporting Characters, Gendarme, Old Women, and Servants. 



TMP92-009226 



BLOOD. 



ACT I. 

Scene I. — A Street in Paris. Enter tivo sporting char- 
acters. 

First Sport. Talk about kissing, do you suppose a 
French kiss has the real smack in it? 

/Sec. /Spori. Suppose you inquire under the first 
female nose you meet. 

First Sport. Just what I will do, and I'll wager j'ou 
a night's sport that I get it. 

Sec. Sport. I'm your man on such a bet. 

First Sport. Now, then, for VL\y woman and the kiss. 
\_BotJi look, one up, the other doivn the street.^ By all 
the dressmakers in Paris, here she comes. \_Fnter rag- 
picker ivith basket on her ar7n.^ 

Sec. Sport. Come, Jack, you'll find it under her nose 
somewhere. 

First Sport. B3' all the gods in a heap, old woman, if 
rags were at a premium, 3'ou would be a prize. 

Old Woman. And if fools were worth as much as 
rags, I would fill my basket. 

Sec. Sport. Look, Jack, 'twill hardly be fair unless 
3-ou discriminate between lips and wrinkles. \_Exit old 
looman.'] 

First Sport. [_Looks after her, lohile the other laughs.'] 

Sec. Sport. That kiss will spoil before 3'ou get it. 

First Sport. Not if you will renew the bet. 

Sec. Spo)-t. Certainl}', I can safely do it, for you are 
too modest to bet and win on cheek. 

.First SY>ort. \_Looks up and down the street.] Just 
let some Virginia step this way and we'll see. 

Sec. Sjyort. The first one's grandmother, for instance. 



4 BLOOD. [act I. 

First Sport. Draw back, there she comes, and for a 
granny, if such she is, she takes very good care of her 
wrinkles ; look \_Enter Countess de Foy, with her face 
closely veiled'] here my beauty. 

Countess de F. Please, sir, don't detain me ; I'm in a 
hurry, and mj' time is short. 

First Sport. "Well, now, my pretty rosebud, what's 
the price for a peep at thy face ? 

Countess de F. \_LooTcs anxiously in direction from 
which she came, then turns indignantly around.'] A gen- 
tleman to look at it. \_She tries to pass him., ivhereupion 
he catches her and tries to Mss her. She struggles to get 
away, and drops a bracelet. Enter Earl de Foy. Sport- 
ing characters fly. The Countess falls as if in a faint. 
The Earl stoops and attempts to look in her face. Enter 
Gah'iel Hamilton, loho pulls the Earl over on his back 
and assists the Countess to her feet.] 

Gab. H. Lady, go your wa5^ I will see that neither 
this rough, nor his associates, molest you again. 

Countess de F. \_In a disguised voice.] Thank you, 
sir, thank you. \^Exit Coimtess.] 

Earl de F. Look here, sir, there must be some mis- 
take ; I supposed that lady was my wife. 

Gab. H. Wife ! So you thought 3'ou would get a 
crowd of roughs to knock her down, that you might 
see. \_Enter Gendarme.] Here, sir, arrest this man for 
attempting to rob that lady. \_Pointing after the Count- 
ess.] 

Gendarme. Then, sir [ciddressing the Earl], j-ou 
come with me. 

Earl de F. Hands off, sir, I am a nobleman. 

Gendarme. Indeed, who'd think it ? [^Exit Gen- 
darme with the Earl, his prisoner, followed by Gabriel H.] 

Scene II. — Ante-room in the house of Madame Buzot. 

Countess de F. I was to meet the Earl here early this 
evening. Have jow seen anything of him yet ? 

Mme. Buzot. We have not. 

Countess de F. I hope 3'ou won't, while you wish me 
to enjoy mj'self. 



SCENE II.] BLOOD. 5 

Mme. Buzot. I shall be pleased to see you enjoy 
3'onrself all night. 

Countess de F. Thanks, I'm sure you're very kind. 

Mabel B. Well, gentlemen and ladies, what say you 
to a game of " ecarte" while we wait for the company's 
arrival. 

Gab. H. I am willing to be somebody's poor partner. 

Countess de F. Then I'll have pity on you and take 
you for mine. 

Ifabel B. So it appears, Marquis, there is nothing left 
for us to do, but to take pity on each other. 

Marquis Max M. Yes, and we can beat them at that 
game, as well as this. 

Mme. Buzot. By the way, Mr. Hamilton, we expect a 
countr3'man of yours here to-night, with his wife and 
grand-daughter. It seems they bring the young lady 
out for the first time. 

Mabel B. I'm sure she is old enough to show herself, 
and ought to be able, at her age, to feel at home in the 
drawing-room, as well as in the nurser3\ 

Countess de F. Probably her parents have had the 
best of reasons for keeping her secluded. 

Mabel B. And, without doubt, only" allow her appear- 
ance to-night on condition that she puts on her best 
behavior. 

Gab. H. Ladies, this is hardly fair, as you say she is 
my countrywoman, and, as yet, you have never even seen 
her. Now, perhaps, you will find her to be a well-be- 
haved and well-informed young lad}'. 

Countess de F. Oh ! we presume she has something 
of a knowledge of etiquette, a pianoforte ability to the 
extent of " The Maiden's Prayer," and probably with the 
aid of an artist, who would daub out her endeavors and 
leave his own, she might be able to paint a landscape, 
with a cow in the foreground and some sheep in the dis- 
tance. 

Mabel B. Yes, and perhaps before leaving home, she, 
with the aid of a servant, workecl a monkey in worsted 
for her sweetheart, in order that he might forever be 
reminded of her when he saw it. 

Gab. H. If this before you know her, what afterwards ? 



6 BLOOD. [act 1. 

Mabel B. All, but we do know something of her 
ah-eady. For instance, she is very wealthy, — wealthy 
enough to bu}' a lord, earl, or marquis, and has just come 
to market to look up one. 

Oah. H. 'My defence ceases. If there is another of 
that wit at large you cannot speak too severely ot" her. 
To hear of such characters from one's country is enough 
to make ever^^ honest American blush. 

Mabel B. Her grandmother told mother herself that 
she had the blood of a noble exile in her veins, and so 
was determined to wed her grandchild to a title. 

Coiintess de F. And she will. 

Gab. H. Why so positive ? 

Countess de F. Because we've always a large stock 
of bankrupt noblemen on hand, ever ready to go with 
the highest bidder. 

Gab. If. Indeed, it's a pitiable sight to see some old 
object of flesh, flash, and vault}', running over the conti- 
nent, with a sixteen-year-older at her heels, hair crimped 
and puffed, and lost in her own estimation and drj'-goods 
refineries, — ready to love a lord at first sight, or sigh in 
the ear of some moustached Adonis of this so-called 
noble blood. Born in a land of freedom, yet ever ready 
to cringe and do homage to any fop, dand\% or boob}", 
who has a handle to his name. \_The Margins deals.^ 

Mabel B. Partner, 3'ou never give me a good hand. 
\_The Marquis luMs his hand out to her.'] 

Marquis M. M. Is not that a good hand ? 

Mabel B. Yes, 'tis ver}' /^a?ir/some. 

Countess de F. The trump hand of roguery. 

Gab. II. That is, you mean a tricky hand. 

Cotintess de F. Yes, good at all kind of games. 

Mabel B. We ought to beat them. Marquis. They 
seem to think you have a good hand. I wish I could think 
as much. I am sure that you must have been dreaming 
of this American .young lady when you made this deal. 
How is It, have 3'ou been considering how you could let 
her capture you to the* best advantage ? 

Marquis M. M. No, I was just thinking how fast she 
could run a mile, or rather how much champagne she 
could drink before she would get let me see, 1 must 



SCENE II.] BLOOD. 7 

liave been thinking of something else, if I had a thought 
at all ; yes, I was wondering whether she was like that 
other American woman, Miss Toadstool, — I always get 
that name mixed up with frogs and things, — 3'es, that's 
it, Miss Froginham. 

Mabel B. Oh ! 3'ou mean Miss Frothingham, she who 
has been so long on the market. 

Countess de F. Yes, -poor thing, she is rather un- 
fortunate in making a market. However, she boasts of 
having had the offer lately, from that English nobleman. 
Lord Crescent, but which she said she declined on 
account of a few discrepancies in his organism. 

Mabel B. Well, now, I supposed she had got too 
desperate to have any choice in the matter. 

Countess de F. I wonder if she took into considera- 
tion the fact, that, if he has a glass eye, the other is good 
if it is crossed, and as for his club-foot, I am sure that's 
an impediment for any wife to be proud of in a husband, 
that is provided she don't wish him forever running after 
her. 

Mabel B. Why yes, and he could make all the lady 
that's possible to make of her, just as well as if he didn't 
have a glass optic and club-foot. 

Gab. H. And she boasts of this as a conquest ? 
. Goimtess de F. Yes ; but m^^ lord vows if ever he 
made her an offer, 'twas when he was intoxicated. 

Gab. H. Oh, well I presume she'll find some one yet, 
who'll succumb to the personal charms of her money. 

Countess de F. Who's severe on your countrywoman 
now ? Why the poor thing's horse ran away with her 
the other day, and she narrowly escaped being killed. 

Gab. H. I should judge by your estimation of her, 
that nothing but a horse, mule, or ass would run awa}'' 
with her. 

Mabel B. Well, now, she does at times seem modest. 

Marquis M. M. Yes, modest enough to approach a 
bottle or take a man's knee for a stool. 

Countess de F. Good gracious, Marquis, has she been 
proposing to _you, too? 

Marquis M. M. Oh no, I didn't encourage her. 

Mabel B. Why, Marquis, what does she lack to make 
you a wife ? Isn't she rich ? 



8 BLOOD. [act I. 

Marquis M. M. To be sure. That's her great virtue. 

Countess de F. Isn't she a woman ? 

Marquis M. M. Undoubtedly, or she never would 
have taken such a fancy to me. 

Countess de F. Isn't a willingness to be married a 
failing of hers ? 

Marquis M. M. Well, I judge she wouldn't have any 
serious objections to be so taken in. 

Countess de F. And pray, isn't she old enough ? 

Marquis M. M. She must be, if any stock 's to be 
taken in wrinkles. 

Countess de F. And now, to be candid, wouldn't she 
be, to say the least, good-looking, if it were not for her 
mouth ? 

Marquis M. M. M}' idea exacth". If she didn't have 
a mouth she'd be a success, or if she onl}' had it under 
her back hair, or somewhere where it couldn't be seen, 
wh}^ then I think she might at least put in an appear- 
ance. \_Ladies and gentlemen jjass and repass the door, 
laughing and talking in dumb show. Mabel rises and 
the rest follotv her exani'ph.'] 

Mabel B. I see the company is beginning to arrive. 
\_Tliey move about the room and all finally exit but Gabriel 
and the Coimtess,'] 

Gab. II. My lad}-, I think I have found the owner of 
this bracelet. 

Coitntess de F. \^TaJces and examines it.'] True 
enough, where did 3'ou find it ? 

Gab. II. Where some roughs assaulted a lady this 
evening. 

Countess de F. I am under a life-long obligation to 
you, and believe me, I shall not forget it. But. the 
Earl ? 

Gab. H. I called a gendarme, who arrested him for 
an attempt to rob an unknown lady. 

Countess de F. Thanks, 'twas a favor I will re- 
member. 

Gob. H. Madam, you altogether overrate so slight a 
service. I took .you, as of course you were, a stranger 
to me, till I was introduced to j'ou this evening, and 
your name recalled at once the name upon the bracelet. 



SCENE II.] BLOOD. 9 

Countess cle F. I presume since, you have been won- 
dering wliat brought me into the street alone with my 
husband after me at that time of the night. 

Gab. II. Of course it surprised me. 

Countess de F. Dear me ! [5('(//<s.] The Earl's not 
old enough to be my father, the one great misfortune of 
ray marriage, but the worst of it is he's jealous of me. 
You don't know how often I wish he was engaged in 
some kind of l)nsinesl, or had a commission in tlie army 
or navy, — in fact, anything to do but to nurse his spleen. 
That's the worst of having a man of leisure for a lius- 
band. Then he thinks m}' eyes were made but to dwell 
on him, just as if he were handsome and single. Now I 
let him support me as a husband should, and even allovv 
it to be generall}' known that we are married, but he is 
not satisfied with that, — in fact, he is the most ungrateful 
specimen of a married man I ever saw. Tliere, there, 
there's no end to the poor recommendation I could give 
him. 

Gah. H. \_Smilmg .'\ Indeed, madam, you are to be 
pitied. 

Countess de F. Indeed, I am. I'd rather be in mourn- 
ing for him than lead this kind of life any longer. 

Gab. H. So you thought you'd don a suit to-da}- to 
see how it would become you. 

Countess de F. Of course, I alwaj-s keep a suit on 
hand, in case such a sad event should occur. 

Gab. H. Why, is there any probability of his drop- 
ping off, without giving sufficient notice ? 

Countess de F. 'T would be just like him, especially if 
he thought it would annoy me to have to delay his 
funeral for a day, just to have a suit made. 

Gab. II. Then you're all ready to mourn for him ? 

Countess de F. Yes, and anxiously waiting. 

Gab. H. And have you made all arrangements for 
his final exit ? 

Countess de F. I have performed m}' part, and am all 
ready for him to do his. 

Gab. H. With a wife's fortitude ? 

Countess de F. Certainly, as a wife is expected to 
mourn at short notice, in case there is a mournful rending 



10 BLOOD. [act I. 

of ties and snapping of heartstrings. I feel it my duty 
to be all prepared to perform a bereaved wife's part,-^^ 
and even with willingness resign myself to fate and 
widowliood. 

Gab. H. And perhaps you have selected his grave ? 

Countess cle F. Not quite, though I have my eye on 
a good-sized lot, — room for a dozen or more, you know. 

Gab. H. And inviting enough to make a husband's 
retreat ? 

Countess de F. And very convenient to make a wife's 
last resort. And now, m}' dear sir, if ^-ou're done quiz- 
zing me, I'll tell 3'ou how I came in the street alone this 
evening with my husband following me. Well, toward 
evening, I concluded it would be a good time for me to 
make a certain charity call, and so donned myself in 
black, wishing to make the most out of my walk, and 
absorb, if possible, a little comfort out of the reflection 
that I might at least be taken by somebody for a widow. 

Gal). H. Then 3'ou fancy a widow's weeds ? 

Countess de F. Certainly, for if anything in ni}' esti- 
mation becomes a woman, it is to be in mourning for her 
husband. \^Looks at him coquettislihj .'] Well, I started 
out, and on my way accidentally met a friend, who very 
kindly accompanied me to my destination, and then part 
way home again, when, though dark, I insisted ui)on 
going the rest of the wa}'' alone, and so we parted, just 
as I observed a man, who proved to be the Earl, a|)[)roach- 
ing us, — after which he seemed to follow me up to the 
time you witnessed the assault. 

Gab. H. Then did he realh' follow you ? 

Countess de F. I thought so at the time, but now 
think he was only hurrying home from the club, as he 
frequently comes that waj*. 

Gab. H. It's surprising that 3'ou did not make 3'our- 
self known, and thus prevent his arrest. 

Countess de F. Not for the world would I have him 
know it was I. You see, he saw me part with my friend, 
and also would have found me in black, and out after 
dark, three circumstances that would easily make a man 
like him, given to jealous3^ suspicious. So fur the peace 
of what mind he has, I concludeil that 'twould be better 
for him to know nothing about it, and, of course, as a 



SCENE III.] BLOOD. 11 

gentleman and a friend, I can depend on 3'ou to keep my 
secret. 

Gab. II. Most assured!}' madam, 'twili be as 3'oa 
wish. 

Countess de F. Thanks, I will remember the obliga- 
tion, but come, let's to tlie drawing-room. There, no 
doubt, you will find an array of young ladies who have 
palpitating abilities, ogling eyes, and who for a sigh 
would be happy to thus entertain you. \^Exit Gabriel 
ivith Countess on his arm.^ 

Scene III. — Drawing-room^ — loith company assembled. 

Marquis 31. 31. America, I presume, is a great coun- 
tr}' to raise Americans in, — that is, I should saj', — a 
country of A-ast importance to itself. 

3Irs. Breeze. Yes, Marquis, America is a very large 
country, with vast resources. 

3farquis 31. 31. Large as France ? 

3Irs. B. Quite. 

3Iarquis 31. 31. France is a mighty nation ; nothing 
like it in this country. It is, to speak figuratively, a 
nation of French people. 

3Irs. B. Very true, much unlike the English. 

3Iarquis M. 31. Yes, yes, I can safely, say I never 
saw an Englishman who was not a Johnn}' Bull. 

3Irs. B. I see, Marquis, you have made a deep study 
of national characteristics. 

3Iarquis 31. 31. 'Twould be affectation to deny it, for 
if we were all of a mind who'd be the wisest. 

3Irs. B. I must say. Marquis, that you're very eccen- 
trically profound. 

3Iarquis 31. 31. Thanks, Madam, I am happy to find 
you, like most of your countrywomen, given to apprecia- 
tion rather than flatter}-. 

3Irs. B. Yes, Marquis, I think if you ever visit 
America, you will find appreciation a national char- 
acteristic. 

3Iarquis 31. 31. I have often thought I would like to 
visit your country, and even live tliere if I couldn't do 
any better, but I dread being sea-sick, and not seeing as 
many sea-serpents as otlier folks. 



12 BLOOD. [act I. 

Mrs. B. I doubt jour being sea-sick, Marquis, and 
my impression is that only persons of delirium tremens 
temperament ever bcliold sea-serpents. 

Marquis M. M. Well, it may require a peculiar gift 
to see those snakes, but to invest in the delirium tremens 
only requires an overdose of intoxication. 

Mrs. B. \_Aside.'\ Perhaps he's the president of some 
temperance society ; so I'll just draw him out. \_Aloud.'] 
Accidents will happen, but then we can all avoid in- 
temperance. 

Marquis M. M. True, Madam, I have known a man 
to die after smoking a cigar. [They go tq-) the stage, and 
Gabriel and Laura come doion^ 

Laura. Indeed, we've noble companj' here to-night. 

Gabriel. Yes, could titles make them such, we have ; 
but as it is, we've some noble, because high nature tried 
her best, and did a noble act in making them, and in 
whom she laughs to scorn the punj^ efforts of a vain, 
mutuallj^ titled, aristocratic royalty, whose work at mak- 
ing noble flesh, blood, and human passions, seems but a 
fool's parody on Hea^•en's highest art. 

Laxira. Then you think these titles but the humor of 
folly ? 

Gab. H. I think the}' add neither physicall}', mentall}-, 
nor morally to the individuals who bear Ihem, and are 
nothing more than vain epithets. 

Laura. At least they have the value of a name. 

Gab. H. True, if we did not call n)y lord, — my lord, 
wli}' then. 
To designate him we'd call him something else ; 
Now if that something else was plain, blunt Mr. Smith, 
How nature o'er his soul, her reign would then assert. 
Now, his title seems a charm against her sway, 
And the inspiration of his affectation. 

Laura. 1 see the romance of royalty has no charms 
for you. 

Gab. H. To read of royalty and its long train of 
noble kin and titled followers, 
With characters ennobled b}- the pen 
And lofty feelings of some bard or scribe, 
'Tis fine. 



SCENE III.] BLOOD. 13 

Then ro^'alt}' seems from tlie gracions hand of God : 

Each king, a sceptre tempered with justice, 

Each queen, a diadem of purity an<l h)ve, 

Each prince, a signet from tlie hand of Jove, 

Eacli princess, tlie crown's purest jewelled gem, 

Each earl, a diamond from blemish free, 

Each duke, a ruin' with a lustre great, s 

Each lord, lad3', and knight, pearls from out the ocean of 

humanity. 
And all a glittering chain, right royal enough 
To hang upon a nation's neck. 

But take them as they are, do we here see our ideal 
counterparts in these realities, wliose power and title 
seem but licenses to their ignorance, arrogance, and 
passion ! \^Gab. and Laura go up the stage^ while the 
Marquis and Mrs. Breeze, followed hy Mr. Breeze, come 
doivn.~] 

Marquis M. M. I presume, INIadam, your famil}' was 
somewhat related to Europe in the past ? 

3Iis. B. Oh, yes, our family is a very old one. I 
couldn't for the life of me say where it counnenced. 

Mr. B. \_Adde.'\ That's about the only thiiig she 
don't know about her family. 

Mrs. B. My great grandfather was cousin to the Duke 
of Twopennyshire, England, but was beheaded Tor being 
engaged in a conspiracy against his lawful king and 
country. He was also a near relative to the celebiated 
Eaion Strutter, wdio fell in a duel with Gen. Piodder. 

Mr. B. \_Aside.'] She don't say anything about that 
other relative of hers, who, while trying out soap fat, fell 
into the vat and was tried out himself. 

Mrs. B. You see such men are to be revered for their 
noble lives and heroic deaths. 

Marquis M. M. Yes, we should think of such men 
only to forget them. 

Mrs. B. I see. Marquis, you can be witty. 

Marquis M. M. Well, you know, one can't help 
laughing for amusement once in a while. Yes, Mrs. 
Breeze, I fought a duel myself, once. 

Mrs. B. Indeed ! an affair of honor, I presume ? 

Marquis M. M. Honor, oh no, nobod} 's honor was 



14 BLOOD. [act I. 

questioned. It was a mere point of veracity between me 
and a woman. 

Mrs. B. A woman ! I thought as much. 

Marquis M. M. You see, at court one night, the 
Princess Maria stepped on my foot, and didn't even as 
much as ask ray corn. Then, just to be a little enter- 
taining, I ventured on the insinuation that she had a 
foot of her own, and could, for one who never made a 
parade of her feet, crush a fellow's little toe with great 
delicacy ; and may I never kill m}^ man again if I did not 
receive a trayful of challenges the next morning. Of 
course I accepted everything, and we met and all 
acknowledged the corn, and made her feet as small as 
apologies would admit, but the baron who then cham- 
pioned the cause of her feet, and since married her, has 
often wished that I had killed him then. 

Mrs. B. Then they don't live happily together. 

Marquis 31. M. Well, I presume he knows how much 
of a foot she has by this time. 

Mrs. B. She is a princess of blood, I presume ? 

Marquis M. M. Oh 3'es, that's the onl}' kind we have 
in this countr}'. 

Mr. B. [ylsiVZe.] There it is again. Ever since I've 
been worth a barrel of pork, with her it's been nothing 
but blood: blood, blood. \_Aloud.^ But the case is dif- 
ferent with me. Marquis, for I can't swear that I ever 
had a father or mother. As for grand lather or grand- 
mother, I'm positive on that point. And for great grand- 
parents, I was never accused of having any, so you see 
vpe make Mrs. Breeze's old fossils do for the whole famil}'. 
\_Mrs. B. tries to catch Mr. B's. eye.'\ 

Marquis M. M. Never had any parents ? 

Mr. B. Not that I know of; you see it's decidedly 
vulgar to have parents. Why sir, even mules have 
parents and make no great kick about it either, and, 
indeed, in our country, it's a common thing for fools to 
have great grandparents, and I've taken particular notice 
that the}' never seem much the wiser for it. 

3farquis M. M. Well, Mr. B., I hope you like France ? 

Mr. B. Oh yes, we've found France to be all that we 
expected, but were sadly mistaken about England. You 



SCENE III.] BLOOD. 15 

see, all the people there belong to the ro3'al family, and 
so we came to France for good compan3\ Wh}', sir, 
begging is allowed there even in the House of Lords. 
Positive fact, every time the Queen marries off one of her 
children, she has to beg the price of the honeymoon from 
the people. Paupers, we call them in our countr3', where 
there is a good deal of respect paid to the dictionar}- . I 
presume the reason the}' don't enforce the law there 
against begging, is, that they'd have to put the Queen in 
the poor-house if the}' did. 

3f)'s. B. Marquis, can you tell me who that gentle- 
man is with my granddaughter ? 

3LtrqiUs M. M. Let me see, I think ho came, stop 
\_as if in a study'] , from the country Columbus discovered. 

Mrs. B. Tlie West India Islands ? 

Marquis M. M. I think it's part of those islands. 

Mr. B. Perha[)s you refer to America. 

Marquis M. 31. That's it ; he's an unknown cipher 
from America. 

3frs. B. Onl}^ an American ! why, bless me, I thought 
he was a lord. 

Mr. B. How stupid ! 

Mrs. B. I'd never have known the difference if I 
hadn't been told. 

Mr. B. To be sure. 

Mrs. B. How blind I must have been. 

3[r. B. Now be careful and don't get caught napping 
again. You must know that this is an unpardonable 
mistake, and, I presume if Mr. Hamilton knew, he would 
never forgive you. \_Gabriel leaves Laura, and joins the 
Cotuitess.] 

Mrs. B. Excuse me, I must go to her at once, as he 
has left her. 

Marquis 31. 31. Madam, don't you think if I and 
your daughter were introduced, we would soon get 
acquainted ? 

3Irs. B. Certainly, Marquis, I should be pleased to 
see you friends. \_They join Laura just as Lady Max 
31uddle and Lady Carra come up the opposite side.] 

Jj'idy 31. 3L Indeed, he couldn't be more out of 
place if he were an hostler. 



16 BLOOD. [act I. 

Lady Garra. Certainly not ; and I'd just like to know 
whether his presence among us is an intentional insult 
or not. 

Lady M. M. And see, even the Countess ogles him 
as though he were a prince. I wonder if she knows his 
real character. \_Tlie Countess and Gabriel separate in 
dumb show ; Countess approaches the group laughing.'] 

Countess de Foy. Indeed, I can give Mr. Hamilton 
the credit of being the best flirt I ever knew. 

Lady M. M. [^Seriously.l M}^ dear Countess, are 
you aware that this Hamilton is a mere nobody, and out 
of his place here? 

Countess de F. Then, my dear, suppose you find it 
for him. 

L'ldy M. 3L I was just saying he'd make a splendid 
valet for the Marquis. 

Countess de F. Don't you suppose you could piclv out 
one of these ladies, who'd also make a good governess 
for him? \_Tiirns aioay.'] 

Lady M. M. Ha, ha, an intrigue in the bud ! 

Lady G. Her poor taste lias become chronic, and will 
be sure to kill her yet. \_Lady M. M. and Lady G. go 
up the stage, followed by the Marquis.'] 

Mrs. B. And this, then, is the person from whom 
you've been accepting attentions all the evening ! 

Jjaura B. He seems a gentleman, if he is poor. 

Mrs. B. Yes, a poor gentleman. 

Laura. Who to-night has acted a more perfect gen- 
tleman than he ? 

3Irs. B. That but speaks well of his acting, and I 
shoukhi't wonder if he were some doubtful character in 
disguise. 

Laura. A prince in cog., for instance. 

3Irs. B. Prince of knaves, no doubt ; but what pos- 
sesses 3-ou- to feel called upon to defend this stranger 
so, when even our hostess, who is supposed to know him, 
offers but a lame excuse for his presence among us ? 
\_Gabriel approaches unseen.] A poor American indeed, 
— see that you cut him at once and compromise 3'our- 
self no further. This wise proceeding will leave him no 
further passport to your presence, and I shall see that 



SCENE III.] BLOOD. 17 

he don't intrude. [ They go up the stage without observing 
Gabriel. 2 

Gab. H. So this is she who lias come to Europe to 
invest in one of fiisbion's strutting jacks, — slie, an angel 
for a dream, — an ideal for love's fanc}', — a heart's love at 
first sight; and she, with sense and wit, a heart, no^ 
doubt, and yet has come to sacrifice herself on foll3''s 
altar ! No, no, I'll not believe it ; I'm sure I'd wrong her 
if I did. [ Countess approaches Gabriel.'] 

Cou7itess de F. Why, Mr. H., you look as solemn as 
some married man, who has just lieard of his mother-in- 
law's recovery from a dangerous illness. 

Gab. II. I was just thinking 

Countess de F. \_Laughing.] No doubt, — men will 
think, and women will be the topic, — but cheer up, for 
'tis evident that Lady Max Muddle is badly smitten with 
you, for she thinks 3'ou'd make a splendid valet for the 
Marquis. 

Gab. H. Not insulting at all. 

Countess de F. Oh, no, that would be unladylike, but 
as it is, she's only a little free-hearted with her abuse. 
You see, since she found out that the ^^ Breezes" are 
rich, the young lady an heiress, and Mrs. Breeze de- 
lighted with the Marquis, she goes into perfect ecstasies 
over everything American. 

Gab. H. Especially over me. 

Countess de F. Oh, I presume she counts on you to 
Americanize the Marquis, in order that he can court the 
young lady in the manner most familiar to her. I de- 
clare, if here isn't the Earl. [6roes to meet him.] 

Gab. II, \_To himself.'] By Jove, this report of my 
poverty has worked wonders in the faces of those around 
me; but she — will it make a change in her? Will it sour 
her smile and freeze her face when I am by? No, no, 
I'll not believe it, and yet, suppose I put it to the test. 
I will. \_IIe crosses to Mme. B. and they tcdk in dumb 
shoio.] 

Marquis M. M. \_Aside.] Yes, I'll have her. I 
wouldn't like a more solemn performance than to manu- 
facture her into a lady ; with me 'twould be a mere sleight- 
of-hand. Ah, they're forming for the dance, and I think 



18 • BLOOD. [act I. 

I raight just as well invest my arm around her waist for 
a short time. Let me see, what will I say? Permit me, 
Miss, to tread toes with you ; no, though that's a literal 
rendering of the truth, I presume I 'm not to know that 
she has toes. [^Aloud to Laura.'] Miss, I beg pardon, 
- your name stifled m}^ mind, but shall I have the pleasure 
of dancing with 3^0 u ? 

Laura B. You must excuse me, sir ; I have concluded 
not to dance. 

Marquis M. M. \_Aside.'] Refused, and for nobody ! 
Thunder and lightning ! I wish there wasn't any danger 
in fighting a duel ; blood would fly ; I 'd assert my honor 
as a gentleman and a nobleman. 

Mad. B. [To Mabel.] It seems, Mabel, that there's 
a report among the company that our friend, Mr. Hamil- 
ton, is nobody bat a poor American student. 

Mabel B. You, of course, gave this story a most em- 
phatic denial ? 

Mud. B. The strangest part of it is that Mr. Hamil- 
ton told me the story himself, and even requests'us not to 
deny it. 

Mabel B. Not to den^' it ! Strange, I should say ! 

Mad. B. But who could -possibly have started such 
a story ? 

Mabel B. The Countess, of course. 

3Iad. B. Wh}' think 3'ou it was she? 

Mabel B. Because it has the characteristics of her 
falsehoods, and besides, she quizzed me about him, and 
not getting au}^ satisfaction, she, of course, tokl this 
story in order to draw us out in his defence. 

Mad. B. But this is strange of him. 

Mabel B. I presume he thinks he can start a little 
romance with povert}- for a basis, but I think he'll find 
that women generally know with whom they romance. 
Of course, it's all ver}"- well to fall in love with a poor 
young man, if one only makes sure that he'll turn out 
rich on the wedding-day. 

Mad. B. That, of course, is the lady's look-out. 

Mabel B. But did' he give his motive for allowing 
this story to go undenied? 



SCENE III.] BLOOD. 19 

3Iad. B. Whimsical sport, or something to that effect, 
he said. 

Mdbel B. It makes it awkward for us. 
, Mud. B. Well, I |)resume we must humor him so long 
as 'lis at his own expense. In fact, my dear, 'twill make 
your chance all the belter to have it so, for while others 
Avill cut him with contempt, we can treat him like a 
prince. \_The company prepare for the dance.'] 

3Iarqxds M. M. [_Askle.'] B3- Jove, cut, and left on 
the floor to dance with my anger! Ah, there's Lady 
Carra all alone, so I '11 just take a shufile with her, if she 
is well anchored, [//e apj)roaches and asks her to dance 
in dumb shoiv. The dancing commences. After iccdtzing 
aivhile the Marquis and his partner come to the front of 
the stage, vjhere she has a fainting Jit and falls into his 
ar7ns. He struggles to let her down easily, and partly 
s^^cceeds, ichen he slijjs and goes dotvn pluni}') icifh her on 
toj) of him. The dancers crowd around : he holds her head 
up, and ivhile attempting to wipe her face 2vith his hand- 
Jierchief gets tlie piaint off her cheeks and dye off' her front 
hair, all over her face iyi streaks. Then he lays her doivn 
in desperation, and. off' comes her back hair; she chokes, 
he slaps her on the back, and out come her false teeth.] 

Gab. H. What's the matter? Has the lady fainted? 

Mr. B. Not if I know anything about fits. 

3Irs. B. My dear, don't you know the difference be- 
tween a spasm and a fit? 

Mr. B. Forbear the distinction. 

Mrs. B. Poor dear, she looks delicate. 

Mr. B. Yes, I shouldn't wonder if slie'd be dead in 
fifty years from now. 

Countess de F. Her hair came out quickly for such a 
short sickness. 

3Irs. B. True enough, just see her hair, 

Mr. B. Yes, her poor ringlets are scattered round 
like pigtails on the floor of a slaugliter-house. 

3Iad. B. Well, Marquis, how did this happen? 

Marquis 31. 31. Don't know ; the first thing I knew, I 
felt as if I was wrestling with a nightmare. When she 
tumbled, she didn't take me into consideration at all, but 
went off in a variety of directions at once. 



20 > BLOOD. [act I. 

Mrs. B. The poor clear danced well. 

3Ir. B. Yes, bat I should have thought she'd stayed 
at home when it's her day to have a fit. 

31rs. B. Fit ! 

Mr. B. Yes, and now tell me I don't talk fit. 

Marquis M. M. Well, Mr. Breeze, then you call this 
a natural kind of a fit. 

Mr. B. Yes, very natural and decidedly original. 

l^Enter Lord Ca7'ra.'] 

Lord Carra. Sir, what is the meaning of this? 

Marquis M. M. The natural freak of a fit. 

Lord C. But how came her face in that condition? 

Marquis M. M. A peculiarity of her blushing, I pre- 
sume. 

Lord C. Her friends say you wiped her face with the 
same handkerchief you used on your boots. 

Marquis M. M. I deny it. \_Takes out the handker- 
chief and shakes it.'] Tliere it is. I deny 3'our friends' 
gusto, and take this privilege to tell the truth. 

Jjord C. Sir, we shall meet again. [He helj^s Lady 
Carra to her feet.] 

Lady C. l^Faintly.] My dear, you forget yourself. 

Lord C. True, but I'll not forget him. \_They start 
to go.] 

Marquis M. M. But look, my Lord, you forget your 
wife's teeth. 

Lady C. Yes, my teeth, my teeth. [_She fai7its again.] 

Marquis M. M. [Aside.] A duel ! By Jove, this is 
hot. \_Takes out his handkerchief and wipes his face, 
covering it with streaks of black and red. The company 
laugh and curtain falls.] 



SCENE T.l BLOOD. 21 



ACT II. 

ScEKE I. — Dratuing-room ivitli door in the ceyitre leading 
to veranda; windows on each side of the door, throvgh 
lohicli are seen latvn, croqv(:t-])Iayers, with ladies and 
gentlemen on veranda ivatching the game. [_Enter 
Laura.'] 

Lawa. I presume the poor fellow is wondering by 
this time who sent him the money. "Well, as nobody 
knows it was I, who can say I acted unladylike? Being 
an American, he ought to be able to hold his head up 
with the rest of them. Besides, merit like his should not 
be allowed to suffer, while any woman's pin-money can 
do so much for it. I onl}' hope it reached him in time, 
and enabled him to reject such a menial position as valet 
to the Marquis. \_Exit Laura. Enter Mad. and Mabel 
Buzot.] 

Mad. B. So it seems that all our advice to Mr. 
Hamilton has gone for naught. 

3fabel B. Just think of it, valet to the Marquis. 

Mad. B. Oh, there's no accounting for what these 
Americans will do when inspired with the notion. 

Mabel. B. Don't you believe he has some other motive 
than mere sport, for accepting such a position? 

Mad. B. I don't see what it can be. [ They go out on 
the veranda. Enter Laura with a letter in her hand. 
Enter Marquis from veranda.] 

Marquis M. M. I should think Miss Bliss that j'ou'd 
be afraid when ^'ou're here all alone. 

Laxira. Not at all : why, on such occasions as this, I 
reall}' enjoy it. 

Marquis M. M. Are n't you afraid? 

Laura. Of what? 

Marquis M. M. Of ghosts, and men, and things. 

Jjaura. Oh, no; I don't believe in ghosts, nor men, 
nor things. 



22 BLOOD. [act II. 

Marquis 31. M. Wh^', I've seen the biggest ghost I 
ever saw. 

Laura. Indeed ! 

Marquis M. M. Yes, besides that, I know the true 
romance of a reliable ghost stor}'. 

Laura. A ghost story ! Do tell it, will j^ou, while I- 
read this letter. 

Marquis M. M. Well, she was a maiden. 

Laura. Who, the ghost? 

Marquis M. M. Yes, she was a maiden or a woman, 
I can't sa^^ which ; however, she was a female, of that I 
am sure. 

Well, a young man fell in love with her, but she, it 
seems, did not return his negotiations, more on account, 
I presume, of there being plenty of other fellows in the 
world, than she did from having any particular dislike of 
his sex, for she like most women would rather be deluded 
than otherwise. 

Then, it seems, he looked in another direction, for he 
began to multiply the bad habits of his 3-outh, and develop 
his family traits of dissipation, with all modern improve- 
ments, such as parting his hair in the middle, and making 
pets of his bottles. For variation he counted the stars, 
and made a hobbj^ of the man in the moon, and showed 
a preference for other things of less consequence. Then 
he commenced to resist his beefsteak and onions ; sleep 
with his eyes open ; and waste his wind on sighs and 
love-ditties. Of course this kind of courting, like every 
other kind of a good thing, had an end, and so he was 
finally winded, and died of hydrocephalus of the heart ; 
caused, some said, by drinking too much. 

Then he turned ghost, and appeared to his lad^'-love in 
his night-clothes, and she was petrifled with astonishment 
and collapsed into a faint, and before she came to, was 
introduced into eternity. Then, disguised as ghosts, they 
appeared to their parents, scared them to death, and like 
a bubble they eloped from mortal vision. \_Afier a i')ause.'\ 

Laura. Oh, what did you say? 

Marquis M. M. AVh^', that the lov^ers made use of 
the next world by getting into it; that is, they were in- 
veigled beyond the reach of mortal nose pryers. 



SCENE I.] BLOOD. 23 

Laura. Then they died. 

3Iarquis M. M. Yes, they were spirited away, [//e 
attempts to sit doivn to the jnano, but slijys froyii the stool 
and partially falls, both arms striking on the key-board 
with a crash. Enter Lady M. J/., Mad. B., Mrs. B., 
Mabel and Countess de Foy.'] 

Lady M. M. Good gracious, Marquis, what's the 
matter ? 

Marquis M. M. Oh, nothing, I — I — I only slipped 
and fell against the piano. I thought you might like a 
little music. 

Countess de F. So you gave us an overture. 

Lady M. M. Then you 're not hurt. 

Marquis 31. 31. Oh no, I 'm used to falling you know. 

Lady M, 31. Used to falling ! What do j'ou mean ? 

Countess de F. Oh, he only means that he has his 
ups and downs like the rest of us. 

3Iarquis 31. 31. That's it, especially the downs. 

Lady 31. 3f. \_Takes up a splendidly bound album 
and glances through zi.] Ah, Mrs. Breeze, I see you 've 
quite a collection of our friends' photographs. 

3Irs. B. Yes, and some day I expect to prize them 
above value. 

Lady 31. 3f. \_To the Countess.^ There, isn't that 
good for the Baron Bodkin. 

Countess de F. Very good, indeed ; his deformities 
take as natural as life. 

Lady 31. 31. But what in the world possessed him, 
with such a nose and chin, to have a profile taken. 

Countess de F. Possibly because he 's ashamed of the 
other side of his face, though I never gave him credit for 
such good taste. 

Lady 31. 31. And true enough, if here is n't his poor 
wife, looking as natural as her shadow. 

Countess de F. Mustn't she feel flattered though, 
when she looks on him as her lord and master. 

Lady 31. M. I wonder what ever induced them to 
have each other. 

Countess de F. Probably 'twas a mutual agreement 
to take each other in ; he took her possibly in an insane 
moment, and with her, no doubt, 'twas any port in a 
storm. 



24 BLOOD. [act ti. 

Lady M. M. How self-possessed-looking our Lady 
Annie Fuss is, though. 

Countess de F. Yes, she possesses herself, and it 
seems no one cares to compete with her for the prize. 

Lady 3L M. But it appears she still has faith in 
paint. 

Countess de F. And undoubtedly, too, in rehearsing 

the marriage cercmon}' to herself. But I 'm afaid that 's 

as far as the poor thing will ever get, though she is still 

.willing to fall in love with a man if he only looks cross- 

e3'ed at her. 

Lady Jf. 3T. Of what a sinful waste of sighs she 
must be guilty, 

Mrs. B. It 's too bad the poor dear is so afflicted with 
the headache. 

Countess de F. Well, I for one don't object to her 
aches at all, but this forever looking around for a 
soft place to put her head, when we all know it's soft 
enough to put anywhere, makes it a conspicuous matter 
of affectation, not to pass unnoticed. 

Lady M. M. I vow, if here is n't the Princess Maria. 

Countess de F. \_Loo'ks.'\ True enough, and wrinkles 
will take. 

3Iabel B. Mother, we were talking about her age the 
other da}', and concluded that the Marquis knew some- 
thing about it. 

Lady M. M. Why, bless you, child, she was mar- 
riageable when the Marquis was a boy. 

Marquis M. M. Yes, and had a moustache. 
\_Altogetlier in chorus.'] A moustache ! 

Marquis M. M. Yes, on her lip. 

Countess de F. And I '11 warrant 'twas not the first 
moustache she had there either. 

Marquis M. M. It may have been a chronic mole. 

Countess de F. Or down, that had reached its matur- 
ity. 

Ljady M. M. Well, I can say with truth, 'twas more 
than the Marquis had, when he was only as old as she 
pretends to be now. 

Mabel. Don't you think she paints? 
. Countess de F. Oh ! no ; but she 's troubled badly 



SCENE I.] BLOOD. 25 

with a chronic blush, caused no doubt by her husband's 
ignorance. Poor thing, she's alwa^'s in awful trouble 
when he 's around. She married, as she supposed, a 
man of a negative character ; but bless your soul, if 
3'OU saw them together, you'd sigh for the mistake she 
made. 

Laura. \_Askle.'\ And these are the kind of people 
whose photographs grandma expects to prize above value. 

Lady M. M. Bless me, whose apparition is this? 

Countess de F. Why, that's Lord Wild's better half. 
I should think you 'd know her by that assumed air of 
innocence, of which she makes a specialty. 

Lady M. M. There, I knew there was sotnething 
familiar-looking about her, but thought it was the heav- 
enly inclination of her nose. And if her isn't our 
Lady Annie out in another endeavor. 

Gountess de F. And as usual, for her trouble and 
mone*3^, of course, got sympathy and poor photographs. 

Lady M. M. How manly she looks. 

Gountess de F. Yes, but that's more than can be 
said of her husband. \_The Marquis' head falls on his 
shoulder and he commences to snore. ^ 

Lady M. M. For the Lord's sake. Marquis, what's 
the matter? 

Gountess de F. Just let me give him a sniff of my 
salts ; he 's faint. \_Lady M. M. shakes him tvhile the 
Gountess puts her vinaigrette to his 7iostrils. He springs 
out of his chair.'] 

Lady M. M. [ With a serious looTc.'] Why, m}' dear, 
what is the matter ? 

Marquis M. M. Struck by lightning in the nose. 

Lady M. M. \_Aside.'] Oh ! the ass, to go to sleep 
here, and snore too, with the Breezes present. \_Aloud.'] 
My dear, you are not well. 

Marquis M. M. Especially my nose. 

Lady M. M. I thought there was something wrong, 
3'Ou 've been looking so weary to-day. 

Marquis M. 31. Yes, I've been trying to think of 
something till I got all tired out. 

Countess de F. Was it about tliat English lady who 
tried to induce her coachman to elope with her ? 



26 BLOOD. [act. II. 

Marquis M. M. No, it was about an h3'meneal scrape. 
Countess de F. It 's too bad 3'ou can't remember it, 
such troubles are always so spicy, refreshing, and enter- 
taining. 

Mahel. Perhaps 'twas about Lady Familiar, who, while 
attempting in a sane moment to cut her husband's throat, 
sliced his nose off. 

Lady M. M. Probably the Marquis meant to refer to 
Lady Jawjaw's marriage, which was to have taken place 
to-da3^ 

Marquis M. M. That's it, that's it! She's laid up 
with an hysterical attack of the measles, and the honey- 
moon is to rise in the future. 

Countess de F. A respite for his lordship. 

Lady M. M. I should think he 'd be so thankful, that 
he 'd be almost willing ih have the small-pox. 

Countess de F. Or have his intended mother-in-law 
die, so that out of respect for the corpse, the marriage 
might be indefinitely postponed. 

Mahel. Well, now, the}^ say he 's dead in love with 
her. 

Countess de F. I wonder if he's near-sighted. As 
it is said he has a positive dislike for intellectual women, 
this must account though for his great love for her. \^Fnter 
Gabriel and Mr. B. Gabriel goes up and speaks to the 
Marquis in dumb show:'] 

Mrs. B. \_Aside to Mr. B.] What did you bring him 
here for ? 

Mr. B. To elope with you, though I might have known 
that even if you were willing he would n't be. 

Mrs. B. Will 3'ou ever have sense ? 

Mr. B. You are alwaj's unreasonable. How can I b9 
expected to ha^'e much, when my better-half has n't any ? 

Mrs. B. Did n't I beg of you not to recognize him, 
and above all not to bring him here? 

Mr. B. I did n't bring him here, but he 's welcome, 
nevertheless. 

Mrs. B. [ With disdain.] A poverty-stricken Amer- 
ican ! 

Mr. B. So are you, for wisdom would not give ten 
cents' worth of stock to your name, if I did n't endorse 



SCENE I.] BLOOD. 27 

the note. Do I object to this boob}'' of a Marquis who 
^is forever hanging around here, and who lacks in every- 
thing but the devil's accomplishments and dissipations. 

Mrs. B. Booby ! Well, it 's not my fault if you don't 
know a gentleman from a booby. Then you did n't in- 
vite him here ? 

Mr. B. No,'but since he 's turned valet to your gen- 
tleman, I presume he 's free to come and go with him. 

Mrs. B. Oh ! well, then, that accounts for his pres- 
ence. I knew there had been some talk about his being 
the Marquis' valet, but did n't know such an arrangement 
had been made. [^Gccbriel gives the Marquis a letter, 
which he opens and reads.'] 

Gab. II. [^Aside.] Yes, I see the story of my pov- 
erty makes the old lady as cold-looking as a two-year-old 
corpse, and Laura — well 'tis but the way with these 
women, — they're nervous, hysterical and heartless, 
and only measure a man by his bank account, and the 
fixings to his name. However, I'm- satisfied that I've 
learned so soon what she is, for now I can account for my- 
self. l^Looks at her.] What a fool I was to allow that 
stor}' to go uncontradicted, and further indulge in the 
whim of being this man's valet, just to get into her 
presence. I might have known that by such a course, I 
would n't get a nod, not to say a smile from her. 

Marquis M. M. \_Aside to Gabriel.] See here, did 
you know this was a challenge? [_Gabriel does not hear, 
but still looks at Lauj-a.] 

Gab. H. [^Aside.] Well, at least I can make it hot 
for this conglomeration of follies, and try to get even 
with his mother for daring to offer me such a position. 

Marquis M. M. \^Aside to Gabriel again.] Look here, 
didn't j'ou know this was a challenge? 

Gab. H. A challenge ! No. \_All in chorus.] A 
challenge ! 

3Iarquis M. M. ' Well, yes, now that it's out, it is an 
instrument of that nature. 

Gab. H. It seems, Marquis, that some one has an ill- 
turn, and this is a bad symptom. 

Countess de F. Who is it. Marquis, that has grown so 
careless of his life? 



28 BLOOD. [act II. 

Marquis M. M. Lord Carra, it seems, has taken ex- 
ceptions to the way his wife had fits in my presence the 
other night. 

Countess de F. And so now wants to dry her tears by 
making her a widow. 

Marquis M. M. And the funeral will take place pre- 
cisely at seven. 

Lady M. M. I supposed he had got over that fit. 

Countess de F. I presume he 's been waiting for his 
wife to get over hers, before he would indulge in his. 

Marquis M. M. You might know he 's a married man, 
or he 'd never want to fight a duel with me. 

Gah. II. Then suppose we go at once and accept every- 
thing, before our sober second-thought makes cowards 
of us. 

Marquis M. M. Yes, we '11 make him feel that he 's 
been courting the inevitable — slapping fate in the face. 

Gab. H. Certainl}'', being a nobleman, he should be 
satisfied to his heart's content. \^Fxit Gabriel, followed 
by Marquis.'] 

Mrs. B. And will this aff'air really terminate in a 
duel? 

Lady M. M. Certainly, 'tis only a matter of blood 
now. 

Mrs. B. A real live duel ? 

Lady M. M. I presume 'twill be lively, as they 're 
both men of reputation. 

Mr. B. \_Aside.'] I dare say, and poor reputation at 
that. \_Tlie com])a7iy gradually retire.] 

3Irs. B. [To Mr. B.] A duel ! why bless me, this 
must be settled. 

Mr. B. Certainl}^, that's what they propose to do 
when they meet. Do you suppose it '11 be to express 
a silent contempt for each other? 

Mrs. B. This is ^Derfectly awful. 

Mr. B. There, can't you let them fight in peace? 
This is no fuss of 5'ours. Can't they mind their own 
business without j^our interference? What better use 
could either of them be put to than the object of a maud- 
lin caravan? Do 3'ou suppose their friends wouldn't 
take pleasure in burjing them ? ' 



SCENE ir.] BLOOD. 29 

Mrs. B. By all that's good, what's the matter with 
3'ou ? One would think to hear you talk, that you ought 
to be put in a padded room. 

Mr. B. lAside.'] The cat's boiling in her. The 
cream of indignation 's on her lips. \_To Mrs. J3.] Can't 
you let these people amuse themselves by getting us up a 
first-class mourning affair? Then when we return home 
we'll know how to grieve for our departed friends in the 
latest fashion. Now, if an3'thiug was to happen to me to- 
morrow, I should want you to turn out as if you knew how 
to dress, and have the hysterics as well as crj'. Besides, 
you know, we haven't been in an aristocratic cemetery 
since we've been in France. What will folks say when 
we return home if we cannot boast of attending a 
high-toned funeral. Simply that we haven't been in 
fashionable society. Why, woman, don't you want to 
learn how to mourn in the most approved style? Do 
3'Ou suppose I am going to throw my money away and 
not learn to cry over you as becomes an affectionate 
husband, and above all a gentleman ? There, shall it be 
the cemetery ? 

Mrs. B. I wouldn't go to one to-morrow if you were 
dead. 

Mr. B. Very well, my dear ; I hope to live long 
enough to return good for evil. 

Scene II. — Discovered, Lady Max M. and Countess de F. 

Lady M. M. It must be confessed that the Marquis 
makes little or no impression on Miss Laura, though the 
old lady's admiration for him is evidently on the increase. 

Countess de F. Perhaps she is of a romantic turn of 
mind and prefers a man of more robust character. 

Lady M. M. Well, now, I had supposed him to be dis- 
sipated enough to please the most fastidious. 

Countess de F. But undoubtedly she hears nothing 
about it, and if she does, her grandma won't let her be- 
lieve it. 

Lady M. M. She'd make a splendid match for him. 

Countess de F. Certainl_y, and so to him you owe the 
best endeavors of a mother's wit. And to begin with, 



30 BLOOD. ' [act II. 

j^ou've but to tickle the old lady's conceit a little to make 
her a most determined ally. 

Lady M. M. Oh ! I'm well aware that we can depend 
on her, for she puts down his worst failings as eccentri- 
cities, in perfect harmony with his noble character and all 
that, — but to stimulate an ardent attachment for him in 
the young lady is quite another affair. 

Countess de F. Then, by the way, why not try her by 
having circulated a few harmless stories, making him out 
to be the dear profligate of your tears and fears, the hero 
of innumerable intrigues, love quarrels, duels, and, if 
need be, murder. 

Lady M. M. Yes ! but his friends, knowing better, 
would be just mean enough to deny them. 

Countess de F. Suppose they do ; we can manage it 
so that, at least in her estimation, they'll have an air of 
probability. Then, you know as well as I, that nothing 
will open the eyes of most young ladies, and enable them 
to see the numerous hitherto undiscovered good points in 
a man's character, like some such a recommendation. 

Lady M. M. I can't see but that it would be the 
wisest thing a parent could do under the circumstances. 

Countess de F. Then all you've to do to charm her is 
to see that the stories are well-seasoned with a little 
scandal. Indeed, I can't forget that I was j'oung 
myself once, and that experience taught me that a young 
lady has great respect for a man whose character is not 
above reproach. 

Lady M. M. To be sure ! In my time, as well as now, 
innocence was admired in its place, and that only in a 
baby. 

Countess de F. By the way, just to feel the young 
lady's pulse, how would it do to report him in some past in- 
trigue with Lady Squib? She, being dead, j^ou know, 
can't contradict anything we say. 

Lady M. 3L 'Twould be better by far than to com- 
promise the character of any living person, especially as 
the probability of her resenting it is out of the question. 

Countess de F. Besides, you know, we can have the 
stories contradict each other in such a way as to make it 
appear that some one was .making desperate efforts to 



SCENE II.] BLOOD. 31 

cover up the truth. This, no doubt, will interest her, and 
she may then think it but fulfilling her mission to fall in 
loA^e with him, and b}' matrimony hope to reclaim him. 

Lady M. M. But what about Mrs. Breeze? 

Countess de F. 'Twill raise nothing but a good- 
natured suspicion in her, you can depend on it. In fact 
you'll probably lind that such rumors will really prove a 
point in his favor with the ohl lad}' herself. 

Lady M. M. After all, we'll have to be very careful 
with whom, in such reports, we ally his honor and good 
name. 

Couiitess de F. Oh ! certainl}', 'twould never do in 
order to fascinate her and please the old lady, to go Out- 
side of the nobility with our stories, — though undoubt- 
edly such a person as Mrs. Frothingham would just be 
delighted to have her name mixed up with some such 
noble scandal. 

Lady M. M. There, I'll just call the Marquis and 
request him to remain at home till we return, linings.'] 
Meanwhile, as I think very favorably of your plan, we 
can talk the matter over on our way. [_Enter servant. '\ 
Tell the Marquis I wish to see him at once. \_Exit ser- 
vant.'] But for the present, I only hope we can come to 
some understanding with Lady Carra about this threat- 
ened duel. 

Countess de F. I'll warrant that after you make 
the necessary arrangements and pay her the amount 
agreed upon, that her lord and master will fight this duel 
according to her rules and regulations, for I really be- 
lieve that if he undertook to have his own way in any- 
thing, she'd have one of her fits, to the great detriment of 
his hair. 

Lady M. M. Well now, I thought he looked more bald 
after that last fit than I ever saw him before. I presume 
the poor man hopes that every fit will be her last. [_Fnter 
Marquis in dressing-gown, slipsJiod, hair in disorder, 
eyes half shut, hands in his pockets.] Why, Marquis, 
haven't you but just got up? 

Marquis M. M. No, I've been up all night, but what's 
the rush ? 

Lady M. M. I want j^ou to remain here till we return, 
as I expect to have news for you. 



32 BLOOD. [act II. 

3Iarqins M. M. What's the matter ? Another hj'ster/- 
ical drive? 

Lady M. M. I'll tell you when we return. Will you 
remain? 

Marquis 31. 31. Yes, if you don't elope or meet some- 
bod}^ tliat father ought to fight a duel with. 
■ Lady 3L 3L It's but a short drive, and we'll be back 
soon. [Exit Countess and Lady 31. 3i. Enter Gabriel.'] 

Gab. H. So you're stirring. Marquis. 

Marquis 31. M. What do you mean, that I am trem- 
bling or shaking? 

Gab. H. Oh ! no ; I mean that you're about. 

Marquis 31. M. About what ? 

Gab. H. Why, about your business, Well, as was 
understood in relation to Lord Carra's challenge, I've 
dropped his second, Col. De Lyon, a note last night, 
stating that as your second and humble servant, he'd 
find me here this afternoon. 

Marquis M. 31. When do you ezcpect him ? 

Gab. H. At any moment. 

Marquis 31. M. The deuce ! you haven't given me a 
chance to shave yet. 

Gab. H. Don't mind it now ; if anything happens, 
you know, you can be shaved afterwards. 

3Iarquis M. M. Shaved afterwards ! Why, 3'ou talk 
as if you confidentl}' expected me to be the next inspira- 
tion for a funeral. 

Gab. H. Well, as tliere is only one chance in two, 
there's no knowing but that you may be the next cause 
for a rise in crape. 

Marquis 31. M. Now oblige me, will you, by going 
be3"ond the grave with 3'our possibilities. 

Gab. H. Oh ! no, let's leave that to the devil ; but of 
course j'ou mean to fight. 

3Iarquis 3L M. Fight? Certainly! Certainly fight. 
That that's done naturally is naturally the best thing that 
can be done. 

Gab. H. You see if you come out of this scrape all 
right, with your nose pointing around the corner, or one 
of 3 our eyes shot out, or one of Mars' warlike scars 
to decorate 3our noble brow, or j^our hair parted in the 



SCENE II.] BLOOD. 33 

middle with a ballet, bow it will enbance you in the esti- 
mation of that American young lad}' ! 

Marquis M. M. Ah ! do you mean Laura? 

Gab. II. Yes, and if the worst comes to the worst, 
you know, 3'ou won't have to die but once. 

Marquis M. 31. That's the worst of it ; if I had to die 
twice, I wouhln't mind this once. 

Gab. II. Oh ! come, now, you don't mean to be a 
coward ? 

Marquis M. M. Coward ! Coward ! Do I look like 
a coward ? Do I look like a fool deluded from his right 
mind ? Yes, fight, if I can't stave it off. Under most 
any but the present circumstances, I would naturall}', yes, 
naturalh", like to fight, but now that I am about to engage 
in the great battle of life, tliat is, in getting married, my 
ammunition ought not to be thrown away on such an 
insignificant foe. 

Gab. H. Then j'ou intend to do all j^our fighting after 
3'ou get married? 

Marquis M. M. Well, I'd rather put it off till then. 

Gab. H. May want to die then, hey? 

Marquis M. M. Yes, or somebody else^ but just now 
if I only could keep down my ire, I'd rather not fight, 
and won't, if we can manage to institute a stay of pro- 
ceedings. I wish the old lad}^ had stayed at home, — 
she could do this job up to the honor of the family. 

Gab. H. 8he can't do it half as well as you can, 
Marquis, if you wouldn't be so bashful about running a 
fellow through. 

Marquis M. M. I wouldn't mind fighting, I tell 3'ou, 
but w^hen I think of the dear girl's love, wh}', I feel as if 
I must live for her future happiness. You see we've set 
so much by each other and all that sort of thing, that I 
can't bear the thought of running any risk./ 

Gab. H. [Aside.^ Marry him ! Engaged ! Thus 
ends my dream, [^/oztd.] Then you're engaged to her? 

Marquis M. M. No, not quite engaged, but then she's 
looking me over, and I think I'll do, and I've no doubt 
but what I'll make a splendid specimen of a married 
man. I tell you, to become a woman's lord and master, 
is to assume a fearful responsibilit}', enough to deter a 
man of only ordinarj' courage. 



34 BLOOD. [act II. 

Gah. H. I should think j-ou'd almost rather fight a 
duel and take your chance, than to enter matriinon}'. 

Marquis M. M. Well, that's the way a coward might 
look at it, but then sometimes it becomes a man to be 
courageous. 

Gab. H. So you'll not fight? 

Marquis M. M. Fight ! I'll fight if I know myself, 
but the fact is, this duel must, for the time, be indefinitely 
postponed. 

Oab. H. Then I'm to tell the Colonel that if his Lord- 
ship wants to fight, he'll have to pick a duel with some other 
fellow, as your time is worth too much to stop and butch- 
er hogs. 

Marqxds M. M. No, no ; I want to give his Lordship 
a chance to get out of this aflTair honorably. I'm not the 
man to take a mean advantage of another. 

Gab. H. And you want to get out of it honorably, too ? 

Marquis M. M. Yes, anything rather than take a dis- 
honorable advantage of a fellow's weakness. 

Gah. H. Then there's only one thing for 3'ou to do. 

Marquis M. M. What's that? 

Gah. H. Be sick. 

Marquis M. M. Sick! sick! with what? 

Gab. H. Oh, with anything ; a bottle of whiskey if 
you like. 

Marquis M. M. And you'll tell him ? 

Gah. H. That you're sick. Yes, and so you are, love- 
sick, you know. So before the Colonel arrives, just lie 
down, and I'll send for the doctor at once. 

Marquis M. M. What! be sick on an empty stomach? 
Isn't that dangerous? 

Gab. H. There, you just lie down, and I'll order the 
doctor and your breakfast at the same time. 

Marquis M. M. What doctor will you send for? 

Gab H. For this Dr. Craft, who, you know, makes a 
speciaUj of midwifer3\ 

Marquis M. M. But what are 3'ou going to say is the 
matter with me? 

Gab. H. We'll leave that for him to find out, but if 
you're not satisfied, while I'm gone you can just step out 
and let a dog bite you, and then by the time he gets here 



SCENE II. J BLOOD. 35 

we'll have a real, professional case of h3'drophobia for 
him. Ah, I have it now. \^Goes to a case and brings out 
a bottle and glasses-l There, can't you just start the 
delirium tremens? If you only have it as you did the 
last time, it'll be no case of humbug, either. [^Roise 
toithout.'] Who's that? \_Loolisoutoftlieioindoiv.'\ Be 
off. Marquis ; here comes Mr. and Mrs. Breeze, and their 
grand-daughter. 

Marquis M. M. Can't I be sick after they go ? You 
know they might catch it. 

Oab. H. This is very fortunate ; I'll tell them that the 
ladies are out, and that 3-ou're sick. You see we want 
to have it reported that you're sick before the Colonel 
gets here. 

Marquis M. M. Well, I must say this is a sudden 
attack. \_Exit Marquis.'] 

Gab. H. Now, while they are coming in, I'll drop a 
note to the doctor. \_Sits doivn and writes, then rings; 
enter servant.] Here, take that to Dr. Craft, at once. 
[^Exit servant. Exit Gabriel, who immediately re-enters, 
followed by Mr. ayid Mrs. Breeze and Laura.] I am 
sorry to say, Madame, that the ladies have gone out for 
a drive. 

Mrs. B. So they 're out, then ? 

Gab. H. Yes, Madame, they generally take their 
drives out. 

Mr. B. l^Aside.] Good, couldn't have done it better 
myself. 

Mrs. B. I presume you're an old servant of the 
family ? 

Gab. H. Not so old, Madame ; I'm only twenty-five. 

Mrsi B. I mean long in their service. 

Gab. H. Well, yes, for the last three weeks. 

Mrs. B. \_Aside.] Rather sharp, I must say. \_To 
Gabriel.] I presume you've found your mistress to be a 
most excellent woman ? 

Gab. H. Oh! yes, she has a tcni[)cr that wonld sur- 
prise a madman, a tongue like a loose jib in a gale, and 
a mouth like a steel trap, forever on the snap, a form 
like a barrel of soft soaj) on a stool, topped off with a 
pumpkin, and /ee/ — stand her on her head and tliey'd 



36 BLOOD. [act it. 

answer for an umbrella. She's a good linguist of dis- 
cord, a fashionable god-worshipper, ignores the devil and 
poor preachers, aod is charitable with nothing but advice 
and lingo. She'd haggle with a butcher over a bone, or 
discharge a servant, if found smelling of a wine cellar, for 
being drunk ; but with her many faults, she has a few 
virtues, — for instance, she's very dyspeptic, hysterical 
and nervous, and sometimes borders on insanity ; then 
her hearing is impaired, caused, it is said, by a servant 
running a stick through a keyhole which brought up in 
her head ; and she squints badly, the result, no doubt, of 
winking too much in her 3'oung days ; then she's troubled 
with bunions, chilblains, catarrh, chapped lips, hang- 
nails and a polypus in her nose, and she has a bad erup- 
tion of crusta lactea on her head, caused by drinking milk- 
punch, they say.; besides, she is full of nightmares, and as 
a somnambulistic pedestrian she makes the best show on 
record. 

Mr. B. There, now that you've made her out to be quite 
a lady, perhaps 3'ou'll inform us what kind of a gentleman 
the head of the house is. 

Gab, II. Oh ! he's nothing but an aristocratic booby, 
a big fiddle that anyone can play on with a bottle of 
wine, a creation made for no direct purpose, except it is 
to be in the way and keep in vogue the word bore. In 
fact, he's a standing denial that his wife's a widow, a 
kind of a necessary tag to her being called Mrs. He 
figures well at the table, snores well in bed, and sees the 
bottom of the wine-glass oftener than any other man in 
the empire. 

Mrs. B. Then, in your estimation I should judge they 
were well matched. 

Gah. H. Well, one would know if he saw them to- 
gether, that they w^ere man and wife, and I rather think 
the}' have improved on all domestic dissensions. 

Mr. B. It's no wonder her first husband died. 

Mrs. B. Indeed ! And is this her second abomina- 
tion ? 

Gah H. Yes, this is her second victim, and I should 
judge, by her love for him, that she'd have the pleasure of 
weeping a widow's tears over even another husband's 
grave. 



SCENE ir.] BLOOD. 37 

Mrs. B. [^Stiffly.'] May I ask, sir, what your position 
is here? 

Gab. II. Certainly, Madame, certainly. [_A pause.'] 

Mrs. B. Then, what is it? 

Gab. II. Oh, a kind of tutor, governess or something 
of that nature, to the Marquis. 

Mrs. B. That, I presume, includes waiter and barber. 

Gab. II. No, Madame, but if it did, the man who 
feeds an ass and rubs him down, does nothing that makes 
him a being inferior to the ass. 

Mrs. B. I presume you are ready to vouch for all you 
say? 

Gab. II. To be sure, Madame ! If ever I lie, it is in 
defending a good cause, and not a bad character. 

Mrs. B. ni remember and compliment your master 
that he has such a tongue as yours to noise abroad his 
qualities. 

Gab. II. Not master, Madame, protege., — but I fear 
3'our compliments will be thrown away on him, for he is 
not a person who appreciates a good thing. 

[_Mr. and Mrs. B. going.'] Mrs. B. He'll not be 
without a character while he has 3'ou in his service. 

Gab. H. \_Boivs.] Right, Madame, I've served his 
character many a turn. Since he's had me he's been in 
reputation. \_Exit Mr. and Mrs. B., foUoiued by Laura.] 

Gab. H. If I haven't knocked her idol down, I've 
staggered him, to say the least. \_Exit Gabriel, enter 
Marquis. 

Marquis M. M. Well, if I'm going to be sick, it's 
about time for me to begin. I wonder what kind of sick- 
ness I'd better have. \_Re-enter Gab. H.., followed by a 
toaiter, who has the Marquis' breakfast on a tray, which 
he places on the table. Exit servant.] 

Gab. H. How you tremble. 

Marquis M. M. Yes, I feel cold. 

Gab. H. Then just lie down and let me cover you up 
at once. A cold mixed up with this sickness might 
result fatally, you know. [_Steps out, brings in some 
blankets and covers him up.] 

Marquis M. M. By Jove, Gabriel, this is being sick 
with a little comfort. 



38 BLOOD. [ACT II. 

Gah. H. \_Tahes the bottle.'] Now for something to 
warm joa up. [_Fills a glass.] Here's hoping j^our sick- 
ness ^ill be a success. [Di'inks.] 

3farquis M. M. Do you expect to warm me up in 
that wa}"? 

Gab. H. Certainly, how can I make it hot for you if 
I'm not warmed up mj'self. \_Slioves the bottle and glass 
over to the Marquis.'] 

Marquis M. M. [^Drinks.] By the way, Gabriel, you 
know how nice and white a corpse looks, that's been bled 
to death? 

Gab. H. Yes. 

Marquis M. M. "Well, suppose you touch me up a 
little with my make-up there, don't you think 'twould 
make a vast improvement on my sickness? 

Gab. H. By all means, and if you were black around 
the eyes and foaming at the mouth, there'd be no doubt 
about your condition. \_Exit Gabriel., and returns with a 
toilet-box.] We must do this up so as to make truth 
doubt's scarecrow. \_He blackens the Marquis around the 
eyes loith hair dye, reddens his nose, and powders his face 
white all over ; stands back and looks at him.] Ghosts 
and goblins! you look as if you had been scared to 
death and buried for a year. 

Marquis M. M. \_Sits up.] But you don't get a 
grave-yard flavor from me yet, do 3'ou? 

Gab. H. Oh, no, you smell just as sweet as you look, 
so lie down [lays him down gently], and keep covered 
up, and if you don't, you know 3"0u might have a relapse 
of something. 

Marquis M. M. You see [takes a drink], all I want 
is just to make a sure thing of this sickness. 

Gab. H. Then suppose I look you up a Chinaman 
nurse who has the leprosy, — come to think of it, yoxx'd 
make a good leper. 

Marquis M. M. Never mind the Chinaman, you're 
bad enough without mixing up any humbug with the 
matter. 

Gab. H. Suppose you have the small-pox, then, and 
give it to everybody, especially Lord Carra, and by the 
wa}^, you might pit him badly, say six feet under ground. 



SCENE ir.] BLOOD. 39 

Marquis M. M. I respect the wholesale interest j'oii 
have in leprosy, and take some stock in your taste for 
small-pox, but what I want is, that 'twill be generally 
known and appreciated that I'm sick, say with water on 
the brain. 

Gah. H. But look here, everybody knows 3'ou never 
drink water. 

Marquis M. M. Then 3'ou can say I tried some with 
such a bad result. 

Gab. H. All right, we'll put it down water on the 
brain, and you can depend on me that I'll have your 
sickness come out in all the morning papers. 

Marquis M. M. \_Takes a cigar o%d of Ms pocket.'] 
There, Gabriel, just light me a match, will you ? [^Gabriel 
lights a match.'] Hold on to it now for about five minutes. 
Do 3-ou think there's a good chance for me to get out of 
this affair honorably ? 

Gab. H. By all means. It will add to your reputa- 
tion as a fighter, duellist, man of honor, ladies' man, and 
above everything else, a nobleman. PI ark ! \_They 
listen. A voice loithout.'] Yes, that's the doctor's voice. 
[/Je clumps the contents of the tray into the basket, then 
rings the bell violently. Re-enter servant, followed by Dr. 
Craft. To the servant.] Bring me a })ail of salt with a 
little water in it, also a mustard poultice made of everj'- 
thing that's hot in the house. Meanwhile bring me a 
glass of water for his feet, and a jug of brandy to stimu- 
late him. \_Exit seroant.] There, Doctor, I think you'll 
find him just alive, and that's all. 

Dr. Craft. Well, Marquis, how long have you been 
in this condition ? 

Marquis M. M. Ever since I've been sick. 

Dr. Graft. \_To Gabriel.] Did 3'ou give him an^*- 
thing? 

Gab. H. Yes, gave him all the liquor I could find and 
followed it with an emetic. 

Dr. Craft. [^Feeling the Marquis' pulse.] Of what? 

Gab. 11. Soap and water, enough, by Jove, to make 
a bubble as large as the universe. 

Dr. Craft. Did it act promptly? 

Gab. II. Yes, he acted like an hydraulic ram, and 



40 BLOOD. [act II. 

after sticking his hetid in tliis basket was soon relieved. 
[Takes a lobster out of the has'ket.'] It's no wonder he 
was threatened with the scarlet fever, is it? [Lays the 
lobster on the floor. ~\ 

Dr. Graft'. Why, has he shown any s^-mptoms of that 
trouble ? 

Oab. H, Well, yes, just before that emetic worked, he 
was scarlet in the face. [Takes a cold roast chicken out 
of the basket.'] It's surprising he hasn't had the chicken- 
pox, isn't it? [Lays the chicken on the floor,] 

Dr. Craft. Yes, or an enlargement of the stomach. 

Gab. H. [Takes a large piece of corned beef out of 
the basket.] It's no wonder the poor fellow came near 
being corned, is it? 

Dr. Craft. If he had he'd have got into a pickle. 

Gab. H. [Lays the corned beef on the floor, and takes 
a pair of dumb-bells out of the basket.] This, I presume, 
accounts for his being dumb for a short time. 

Dr. Craft. Been indulging in dumb-bells then? 

Gab. H. [Lays the dumb-bells on the floor.] 'Twas 
a mistake ; he took them in the dark for pills. Didn't 
you take some pills. Marquis? 

Marquis M. M. Yes, by the way I feel, I think I did, 
come to think of it. 

Gab. H. [Takes a live pup and kitten out of the 
basket.] There, Doctor, can't 3'ou account for his symp- 
toms of hydrophobia by these twins? 

Dr. Craft. Has he had hydrophobia, then? 

Gab. H. Oh ! yes, but in a mild, tearful manner. 

Dr. Craft. How is it that he happened to indulge in 
so much animal food ? 

Gab. II. Naturally enough ; he thought they were 
game, and just took them down, and didn't know the 
difi'erence till it was cat and dog with them in his 
stomach. [Puts the pup and kitten facing each other on 
the floor, then dumps the contents of basket on floor, 
ivhich consists of dishes, bottles, bisciiits, doughnuts, cu- 
cumbers, corkscreivs, &c.] There, there, there isn't any 
use in going into details ; 3'ou of course know what's the 
matter with him now. 

Dr, Craft. Certainly ; how do you feel now, Marquis? 



SCENE II.] BLOOD. 41 

Marquis M. M. Don't feel anything now. 

Dr. Craft. What, don't you feel sick ? 

Marquis M. M. Oh ! yes, I feel sick enough ; I forgot 
that. 

Gab. H. "Well, Doctor, I presume you can now 
give me a certificate to the effect that he has the brain 
fever? 

Marquis M. M. Water on the brain. 

Gab. H. Hear the poor fellow, how he raves. It 
might be useful, you know, in case he was invited to court 
on the erai)eror's birthday. 

Dr. Craft. Brain fever ! He hasn't the brain fever. 

Marquis M. 31. Water on the brain. 

Gab. H. I should like to know what this raving 
means if it's not brain fever. 

Dr. Croft. [^Feeling the Marquis' head and pulse.'] 
M.y dear sir, there's no brain fever about him. 

Gab. H. I should like to know who knows best, you 
or I. 

Dr. Craft. Oh ! j'ou, to be sure. 

Marquis M. M. Yes, it's brain fever, braih fever. 

Gab. H. There, it is two to one that it's brain fever, 
and you know the majority rules. 

Dr. Craft. Sir ! was I called here to be insulted? 

Gab. II. No, but to be convinced of the truth, and 
prescribe as we want you to, and that is to put it down 
brain fever. I should think you'd understand his case 
by this time. 

Dr. Craft. \_Looks at Gabriel closely.] I think I 
understand you now. 

Gab. H. That's it. Doctor ; if j^ou comprehend me 3'ou 
understand the case perfectly. 

Dr. Craft. Brain fever, at all hazards. [i?%ws his 
hand over the Marquis' head.] Well, now to be serious 
and leave joking to fools, I'm inclined to think that I 
believe, to sa}^ the least, that he is threatened with that 
complaint. 

Gab. II. Brain fever will do nicely, Doctor, — put it 
down brain fever, and I'll swear you've got as near the 
truth as you ever did in all your life. [i)r. Graft takes 
out a prescrijJtion book and lurites. Hands certificate to 



42 BLOOD. [act II. 

Gabrieh'] Thanks, Doctor, [^Reads.'] Brain fever ; 
yes, that's what's the matter. \_Dr. Graft rises to go.'] 
How about his diet. Doctor? 

D?'. Craft. Well, if he must eat pups, let them be 
cooked till the bark is taken out, and if kittens, why 
broil all the spit out of them. 

Gab. H. Don't forget to send in your bill, — and by 
the way, is this fever catching? \_Exit Dr. Craft.'] 

Marquis M. M. \_Sits up and takes a drink.] -'It's 
enough to make a fellow sick to be clawed over in that 
fashion. 

Gab. H. Yes, just as if youwere a Bohemian candi- 
date for the morgue, but after all I call him a good 
doctor. 

Marquis M. M. Oh, he's a good doctor and all that, 
but he don't know his business ; but look here, this is 
stupid work being sick. Here I am, and haven't had my 
breakfast yet. 

Gab. H. That's according to Hoyle, you know we 
must starve a fever. 

Marquis M. M. Well, you can starve the fever, but 
you can't starve me. \^Be-enter servant with card on tray, 
which Gabriel takes and reads.] 

Gab. H. Colonel De Lyon. Show him up at once. 
\_Exit servant.] Now, Marquis, screw yourself up to 
the raving point, for he'll be here in a twinkling. \_Enter 
Colonel De Lyon.] 

Col. De Lyon. I presume it was your note I received 
last evening, stating that arrangements could be made 
with you to-da3', for the meeting between Marquis Max 
Muddle and Lord Carra. 

Gab. H. Yes, sir ; I have the honor and pleasure. 

Col. De Lyon. We are not alone, I see. 

Gab. H. It's only the Marquis laid up with the brain 
fever, and for all 1 know it ma}; turn into the small-pox, 
Asiatic cliolera, or relapse into the leprosy or plague, for 
he's been very bad, seeming to have symptoms of every- 
thing. The doctors have ail been here writing prescrip- 
tions, and disagreeing with great gusto and any amount 
of candor, but they all agree that if he lives nature '11 
have a job. 



SCENE II.] BLOOD. 43 

Col. De Lyon. Now I'm very sorr}' he's sick, for if he 
had waited a day or two longer he might not have had to 
get sick in order to die. 

Gab. H. "Well, now, I was thinking how fortunate it 
would be for his lordship if the Marquis wasn't well 
enough to meet him to-morrow. 

Col. De Lyon. Undoubtedly this is a very convenient 
sickness of his. 

Gah. H. Let me tell yon sir, he'll meet his lordship 
to-morrow, small-pox or plague. You'll find, too, he can 
light just as well side as he can sober, — I mean well. 

Col. De Lyon. You know he has the choice of weapons. 

Gah. H. Oh, well, as for that, he can fight just as 
well with one weapon as another, and so can afford 
to be magnanimous, and allow his lordship the choice. 
Thus if his lordship had rather be run through than 
made the centi-e of gravity for a ball, we'll call it 
rapiers ; but if he'd rather be the mark for a deadly- 
aimed bullet, we'll make it triggers. 

Col. De Lyon. I'm not here to ask odds. 

Gah. H. We wouldn't consider it odds at all, only 
having some respect for a man's last request. 

Col. De Lyon. His lordship requests nothing but a 
meeting. 

Gah. H. Then his last request shall be gratified ; they 
shall meet. 

Col. De Lyon. At what hour shall it be ? 

Gah. H. At four in the morning, unless his lordship 
would like to have affixed to the last few hours he'll ever 
sleep, an hour or two. He may have to cry with his 
wife for a while, you know, and that should be taken 
into consideration. 

Col. De Lyon. Well, sir, we'll try to accommodate him 
at four in the morning. 

Gah. H. Good ; and come to think of it, 'twill be just as 
well, for his lordship will get a good ways out of the 
world in two hours, and by that time, be over the chill 
of death, and begin to warm up a little. 

Col. De Lyon. Where shall the}^ meet? 

Gah. H. At Fontainebleau, excepting his lordship pre- 
fers to die in some other localit3\ 



44 BLOOD. [act II. 

Col. De Lyon. There, sir, we've had enough of this, 
— to-morrow at four. \^Exit Colo7iel.'\ 

Gab. II. Well, Marquis, don't you think I've arranged 
matters nicely ?. 

Marquis M. 31. \^Gets up, angry.'] Oh, yes ; want me 
to be butchei-ed, don't you ; think I'd make a good ghost 
and all that sort of thing. Fight to-morrow at four and 
be in hell at six. By all the blood of innocents ever shed, 
here I am to be butchered and roasted, and not a word 
to say about the matter, — and everything is arranged 
satisfactorily. 

Gab. H. There, Marquis, you make me feel bad to 
hear j-ou talk so. 

Marquis M. M. Make you feel bad after making 
arrangements to have me in perdition at six to-morrow 
morning ; and now there's no retreat but fight, and that's 
not my way of retreating. Bj' all that's contagious, for 
what have I been sick? 

Gab. H. Well, you see, I thought his lordship 
wouldn't want to fight a sick man ; but when the Colonel 
referred to your sickness as being a convenient way to 
get out of this trouble, I just felt determined that his 
lordship should get all the fighting he wanted, if I had to 
meet him myself. 

Marquis M. M. You take my place ? 

Gab. H. Yes, suppose I don your clothes, and you 
mine, and I go and meet him with you as my second. 
You know it will be scarcely light at four in the morning, 
and he'll not know me from you, — and in a short time, 
I'll promise you, he'll not know either one of us. 

Marquis M. M. I like the idea. 

Gab. H. So do I, and I should have thought that his 
lordship would have known that to challenge you would 
have been equal to committing suicide. 

3Iarquis M. M. Nothing would delight me more than 
to meet this henpecked lord, and make the nj^mph of his 
palpitator shed crocodile tears and spoil crape over him. 

Gab. H. Well, if you'd rather meet him ^^ourself — 

3Iarqids M. M. Oh, no ; if it were not for other reasons, 
I'd stir my heart with ire, and make his wife the widow 
she wants to be ; but as it is, I must not run any risk of 
blasting Laura's hopes b}' engaging in such a quibble. 



SCENE III.] BLOOD. 45 

Gab. H. Let me see how we'd look in each other's 
clothes. \_They exchange coats and liats.'\ Well, how do 
Hook? 

Marquis 3£. M. Just handsome enough to bear me a 
dangerous resemblance ; but what kind of a show do I 
make ? 

Gah. H. Oh ! you look full of inspiration, deter- 
mination, perspiration, and instigation. 

Marquis M. M. Well, that's about the way I feel. 

Gab. H. By the way, Marquis, you beat me all out, 
looking like a flunkey. Then we'll meet his lordship in 
the morning? 

Marquis M. M. Well, if he's got to die, I don't see 
as 'twill save his soul whether he's killed by you or me. 
I owe his wife a grudge or I'd insist on killing him my- 
self, but as it is you may only wound him, and so cheat 
her of her heart's desire. \_Re-enter Lady M. if., Mrs. 
Breeze and Laura. Lady M. M. rushes across room 
and throivs her arms around Gabriel.^ 

Lady M. M. \_Kisses Gabriel again and again.'] Why, 
my dear, what's the matter? We met Mrs. Breeze here, 
who informed us that she called in our absence and found 
you sick and the doctor sent for. 

Gab. H. [Aside.] This is a familiarity I never pub- 
licl}^ allow. 

Marquis M. M. \_Faces the ladies.] I'm not very 
well. 

Lady 31. M. \_Screams, starts back, and looks from 
Gabriel to the Marquis.] Monster I what does this mean ? 

Gab. H. [Looks at the Marquis as if he expected him 
to answer.] 

Lady M. M. Mr. Hamilton, I am speaking to you. 

Gab. H. Excuse me, Madame, but you spoke so 
motherly, that I thought you were speaking to the Mar- 
quis. 

Scene III. — Field and Forest Scene. Enter Gabriel 
and Marquis^ each dressed in the other's clothes. 

Gab. H. Well, here we are, first on the ground. 
[Takes out his. watch and looks at it.] It is about time 
hey were here. 



46 BLOOD. [act II. 

Marquis M. M. Yes, and I hope they are not trifling 
with us. 

Gab. H. You see his lordship is in no great hurry 
to face you. 

Marquis M. M. He knows me by reputation, that's 
the reason. 

Gab. H. By the way, Marquis, did your mother refer 
to this affair at all last night? 

Marquis M. M. No, she commenced to tell me some- 
thing, but we were interrupted, and I am glad of it, for 
she, like most women, always has something to tell me. 

Gab. H. There they come. You're looking in the 
wrong direction. \_Slaps the Marquis' hat doion over his 
eyes.'] 

Marquis 31. M. [After fixing his hat.] What's the 
matter? Do you want to pick a duel with me? 

Gab. H. I only want to make them think, you know, 
that 3-ou got up savage this morning, ready to stick an}'- 
thing that's got blood in it. \_Knocks off the Marquis' hat^ 
and gives him a kick.] 

Marquis M. M. \_Rubbing himself.] I might as well 
stand up and be run through, as to be kicked to death 
by you. 

Gab. H. Don't talk so loud, they'll hear j'ou. It 
becomes a nobleman, you know, to kick his servant and 
knock him around ; so you see every kick j'ou get is a 
prop to your reputation, and of course we mustn't let it 
down for want of a few good props. \_Kicks him again,, 
and trips him up.] 

Marquis M. M. \_Rubbing himself again.] So you're 
going to kill me to prop ray reputation. 

Gab. H. Get up there and clear out, and I'll attend 
to this affair m^'self. \_Exit Marquis. Enter Lord Carra, 
arid Col. De Lyon.] 

Col. De Lyon. I see I have the honor of addressing 
Marquis Max Muddle. 

Gab. H. Well, sir ! 

Col. De Lyoyi. May I inquire for your second. 

Gab. H. I have dispensed with him, and will attend 
to this business m^'self. 

Col. De Lyon. \_Aside.] I see he don't wish to have 



SCENE III.] BLOOD. 47 

nis second know that matters have been arranged as they 
arc. [To Gabriel aloud.'] AVell, I presume, sir, a'ou are 
aware that it has been agreed upon, between your and 
Lord Carra's friends, that you meet, and 

Gab. 11. [^With dignity.] It has been suggested, but 
I scorn the proposition. 

Col. De Lyon. Indeed, sir, you astonish me ; I thought 
3'ou had agreed to it. 

Gab. 11. I have agreed to nothing but this meeting. 

Col. De Lyon. But the friends of both of you concluded 
that between two such gentlemen as yourselves, a peaceful 
reconciliation should take place, — one that will do honor 
to your good names. 

Gab. H. And so j^ou and his lordship's friends get me 
up here at this time in the morning, and not even give me 
a chance to warm up a little. By Jove, sir, that's very 
unkind of you. 

Col. De Lyon. Why can't you make a few friendly 
passes at each other, and express yourself satisfied? 

Gab. H. I shall only ask for a few passes to express 
m3'self satisfied, I can assure j'ou. 

Col. De Lyon. Let me appeal to your hgnor to put by 
3'our passion. 

Gab. H. "Well, then, I'll smother it, and run him 
through as coolly as possible. 

Col. De Lyon. I see you are inexorable. \_Crosses to 
Lord Carra, and talks in dumb shoio. Lord Carra ad- 
vances., and looks Gabriel in the face.] 

Lord Carra. Do you mean to tell me that this is the 
Marquis ? 

Col. De Lyon. Certainly. 

Lord Carra. This fellow is that valet of his. 

Gab. H. Yes, and I am here to fill his place ; I pre- 
sume yow. can construe that. 

Lord Carra. Sir, ^our master is a fool and coward. 

Gab. H. Let him be what he is. I am here to make 
good that you are the prince of asses, if he has taken the 
libert}' of calling 5'ou such. 

Lord Carra. Bah ! I don't fight with flunkeys. 

Gab. H. No, I see you'd rather fight with a coward, 
or a fool worthy of 3-our steel. 



48 BLOOD. [act II. 

Lord Oarra. \^As if going. ^ Tell your master that 
I'll post him as a coward. 

Gab. H. I dare say you can do that better than fight. 

Lord Carra. Flunkey, go your way. If you were 
worth sticking, you'd be bleeding now. 

Gab. H. Come, if you will argue, let it be with less 
tal'k. 

Col. DeLyon. If the Marquis wasn't a coward, he 
would never have sent a servant to fight his battles. 

Gab. H. Egad, for gentlemen, you don't think much 
of insulting a man behind his back, and a sick man at 
that. 

Lord Carra. Sick ! 

Gab. H. Yes, sick ; but I presume you would just 
like to fight a'sick man. 

Lord Carra. Sick ! Sick ! 

Gab. H. Yes, sick ; and here's the physician's certifi- 
cate to prove it. 

Lord Carra. It requires but a trifle to buy such. 

Gab. H. ' But you must remember that this didn't come 
from the same one who gave out the report that jo\x 
had the brain/ever when down with the delirium tremens. 
[£?cctY, Lord Carra, foUoived by Col. De Lyon."] 

Gab. H. I say. Marquis, where are you? \_Re-enter 
Marquis. '\ 

Marquis M. M. \_LooTcs around suspiciously.'] So 
they're gone. 

Gab. H. By Jove, Marquis, you stood it well. In- 
deed, I never half appreciated your valor before. 

Marquis M. M. I wish he was here now ; I'd make 
hell gape for him. 

Gab. H. That is, being a brimstone candidate, you'd 
elect him. 

Marquis M. M. Yes, and I'd prove a faithful constit- 
uent. 

Gab. H. There, Marquis, this will never do, and I've 
just thought of it. \_They exchange coats and hats rapid- 
ly.] Your good name is eclipsed by the inspiration of a 
foul mouth. The honor of your ancient house is the 
roosting-place of insults, and so you must now fight or 



SCENE III.] BLOOD. . 49 

go down to posterit}' with your thumb in 3'our mouth. 
So fire up, man, and hitch a span of dragons to 3-our 
fury, while I bring him back to be trampled beneath your 
feet. [_Exit Gabriel i)i the direction taken by Lord 
Carra.^ 

Marquis M. M. Honor ! Rapiers ! Fight ! Blood ! 
Funeral ! Ghosts ! Hell ! I wonder if I could get 
honorably lost somewhere around here. \_LoolvS around 
and foUo'os Gabriel. Re-enter Gabriel and Col. De Ly(m.~\ 

Gab. H. Where is his lordship? 

[Co/. De Lyon. \_Lonks back.'\ Ah, there he is, talk- 
ing with the Marquis, and shaking hands with him. 

Gab. H. I see, the dog is trying to find out whether 
his Lordship trembles, or is in a cold sweat. \_Re-enter 
Marquis and Lord Garra arm in arm.] 

Col. De Lyon. There, gentlemen, this looks like an 
honorable reconciliation. 

Gab. H. I deny it. Aren't the}" in arms against each 
other? 

Col. De Lyon. Now, gentlemen, for the honor of your 
good names, suppose you make a few friendly i)asses at 
each other, and then we'll all breakfast together at the 
Hotel de Paris. 

Gab. H. Yes, Marquis, and when you pass, remember 
that this is the man who took the liberty of calling 3"ou a 
coward. 

Col. De Lyon. You forget that they are now recon- 
ciled. 

Gab. H. Wh}', his lordship can't possibl}^ be recon- 
ciled to a fool. 

Marquis M. M. Fool ? 

Gab. H. Yes, he called you a fool. 

MarqiUs M. M. He was onl}- fooling then. 

Gab. H. He said he would post you as a coward. 

Col. De Lyon. Sir, 'tis now understood that this affair 
is to terminate to the honor of both these gentlemen. So 
now, mv friends, to 3'our places. \_Thpy take their jylaces, 
and the Colonel gives them the ra/jiers. They cross luea- 
pons, exchange a few passes, lohen the Marquis makes a 
near thrust at his lordship.'] 

Gab. H. Look out, Marquis, you'll hurt him if you do 



50 BLOOD. [act II. 

that again, and you know 'twould not be honorable to 
fight this kind of a duel and draw blood. [ While parry- 
irig, each wounds the other in the hand. They both drop 
their 7'opiers.l^ 

Lord Carra. Fur3% man ! You've wounded me. 

Marquis M. M. '[Dancing aroitnd.'] Fury don't half 
express it. Here's my hand probed to the core. 

Lord Carra. Beg pardon, 'twas not intentional, I can 
assure you. 

Marquis M. M. You are the last person in the world 
whom I would purposel_y hurt. \_Ma.rquis sits down and 
holds his wounded hand with the other. Lord Carra sits 
on the stump of a tree. In rushes Lady Carra, followed by 
Lady M. Middle, Mr. and Mrs. Breeze.'] 

Lady Carra. I told you, we'd be sure to find them 
here. 

Lady M. M. True enough. [To Gabriel.] And 
have they really been fighting? 

Gab. H. Yes, madam, the}' have been mutually prick- 
ing each other. 

Lady M. M. [Rushes to the Marquis and throivs her 
arms around him.] Oh ! horror, horror, they have killed 
my |)oor boy. 

3Ls. B. Dear me, there's no depending on a duel. 
Some one is just as likely to get hurt as not. 

Lndji M. M. Oh, dear, see the horrible blood. 

Marquis M. M. Yes, but I am onl}^ wounded in the 
— ' — [Attempts to rise.] 

Lady 3L M. No, no, you mustn't attempt to rise. 

Marquis M. M. But I'm only wounded in 

Lady M. M. My dear ! my dear, you musn't attempt 
to get on your feet in this condition. I'll have you put 
on a stretcher, and taken to my carriage at once. 

Marquis M. M. But I'm only wounded in the 

Mrs. B. Just like these men. I really believe they'd 
walk to their funerals if they got a chance. 

Lady M. M. Hamilton, don't you think you could 
find something at yon farm-house, that would do for 
a stretcher? 

Gab. H. I can see. [Exit Gab.] 



SCENE III.] BLOOD. . 51 

Lady Carra. \_To Lord C] Well, are yon almost 
gone ? 

Lord Carra. \^Jnmps up excitelJy.'] Not by all the 
widows in France. 

Ladij M. M. \_To Marquis,'] Yes, vaj dear, I've been 
looking for you all night. 

Marquis M. M. For what did you want me? 

Lady M. M. To speak to you about this affair, before 
it took place. 

Marquis M. M. Can't I fight a duel without being 
bothered about it? [^Re-enter Gab. with the stretcher.'] 

Lady M. M. Yes, 'twas an all-night hunt for j'ou. 

Gab. H. \_Aside.] And through m^' good management 
he couldn't be found. 

Mr. B. \_Aside.] Just the thing to carry a man on 
who has a sore finger. 

Lady M. M. We'll just put him on it, and take him 
at once to my carriage. \_Gab. helps the Marqxds on 
the stretcher.] 

Gab. H. There Mr. Breeze, suppose you just give me 
a lift. \_They carry him a feiv steps when the stretcher 
breaJcs, and he falls on the stage.] 

Marquis M. M. You must let me walk, I'm only 
wounded in the [_Exit Marquis.] 

[QoiCK Curtain.]. 



52 BLOOD. [act iii» 



ACT III. 

Scene I. — Drawing -room in the Breezes' apartments. 
Discovered Mr. and Mrs. Breeze. 

Mrs. B. Oh ! If I were a man, I'd have my wife's 
love, children's fear, friends' respect, and enemies' 
hate. 

Mr. B. Seeing you can't conveniently be a man, you 
ought to be proud of being the wife of 3'our ideal of a 
man. 

Mrs. B. My ideal ! A being as full of follies as he 
is of infirmities. 

Mr. B. Well, m}' dear, at least I have been a hus- 
band. 

Mrs. B. Ah, yes, circumstances so controlled you ; 
societ}' so calls 3'ou, but your own conscience denies it. 

Mr. B. You haven't grown thin on it, my love. 

Mrs. B. And so you'll sit there, — oh, if I could make 
you have a little sense, my talking might amount to 
something. 

3Tr. B. So this is for what you wanted me to spend 
the evening at home ? 

Mrs. B. 'Twas to have a sensible talk with you. 

Mr. B. Then, mj' exquisite, it's about time for you 
to begin. 

Mrs. B. I wanted to speak to you about Laura's mat- 
rimonial prospects, 

Mr. B. Take mj^ advice and let Laitra do her own 
wooing and cooing. Nobody ever made a match for 
3^ou, when you married me, and I'm sure you coultl never 
have done better, if all the match-makers in the country 
had been working in 3'onr interest. 

Mrs. B. I see ; to have your grandchild properly 
wedded, and not make the mistake that I did, is a matter 
of no consequence to 3'ou. 

Mr. B. Properly wedded ! That's blood, blood, 
blood, and you look for blood among these pale ghosts? 



SCENE I.] BLOOD. .^3 

Mrs B. Do 3'ou want her to mari\y a negro? 

Mr. B. Oh no, but a lord, earl or prince. If she 
can't do any better, 1 presume you wouldn't object to a 
kinsr, fm* her. 

Mrs. B. Tliere's the Marquis, for instance. 

Mr. B. Yes, there he is, as you say, for instance. 

Mrs. B. Well, isn't he of noble blood, and for what 
more could she wish? Isn't he a man, and above all, 
isn't he a Marquis? 

Mr. B. Yes, a Marquis, and that's just about the 
bulk of what he is. 

Mrs. B. Look at his reputation as a man of honor, 
and his valor in defending his good name. 

Mr. B. Do you refer to that mutual wounding affair 
he had with Lord Carra, the other day? 

3frs. B. Yes, that's it. If he had died with a ball 
shot througli him, you'd say he'd been scared to death. 
If you were a man of honor yourself, and a gentleman, 
you'd know better, perhaps, how to appreciate him. 
[ Turns away.'] 

Mr. B. \_Aside.'] If I were a man of honor and a 
gentleman ! So I'm nobody, and he's a blooded gentle- 
man and an honoral)le Marquis? Ah ! suspicion ! J have 
it ; she's infatuated with him herself, and this makes truth 
out of the insinuations of the Countess de Foy, whom I 
accidently heard say, that while my Avife pretends to 
court the Mtirquis for her grandchild, s4ie woos him for 
herself, and manages the i>retence well. Suspicion thick- 
ens. \_Exit Mr. B. hurriedly.'] 

Mrs. B. It's time the Marquis was here. \_Enter 
Gabriel.] 

Gab. II. \_Assnming a cringing attitude.'] The Mar- 
quis sent me here in great haste to tell your ladyship 
that he would follow me as quick as an unexpected dela}' 
would 'permit; his compliments come with his excuses. 

Mrs. B. '[Aside.] One might know his master was a 
gentleman for his servant is the master of good manners. 
[To Gabriel.] Well, my good man, do you know what 
has detained him? 

Gab. 11. I know not, except that where he went there's 
more and better wine than you keep here. He said, " Let's 



54 BLOOD. [ACT III. 

cut our visit by an hour, for what's the use of swapping 
ideas for half a day with a grim, gra^', and sixty -j^ear- 
oldhag?" 

Mrs. B. \_Aside.'] I'm just sixtj', but even Breeze 
don't know that b}' half a dozen years. \_To Gabriel.^ 
Did he refer to his coming here to see me, when he spoke 
in that manner? 

Gab. H. He didn't speak of you or of coming here 
at all, my lady, he only said she, and he knows she's 
enoDiih. He spoke not of you when he said " She's a 
skinflint, with her virtue." He said they both were asses, 
the one an old ass, and the other a young one. Now, he 
had no thought of you when he spoke thus, for he knows 
a donkey from an ass, he does ; he's very sharp about 
such things, my' lady. 

Mrs. B. Im|)udence ! Do you mean to insult me? 
Did your master call me and my granddaughter asses 
that 3'ou might come and ape his insults here by calling 
me a donkey ? Wretch ! what do you mean? 

Gab. II. I beg your mercy's pardon if I have offended. 
M_y master did not say that you were asses, and if he did, 
would I make a liar of him by calling you a donkey. No, 
m}' lady, you're not an ass nor yet are 3TOU a donkey. 
My master said she was a virtuous wife ; now he would 
never think of saying that of you. 

Mrs. B. Would he dare to say anything to the con- 
trary ? 

Gab. H. Dear lady, my master is a gentleman, a vir- 
tuous gentleman of gentle blood. Now, you're a lady, a 
virtuous lad^', a lady of gentle blood. 

Mrs. B. [_Aside.'] Now he knows what he's talking 
about. 

Gab. H. Such being the case, the Marquis would not 
and could not talk so of you. He said her wit was no 
match for her tongue, and that she liked her beer. Now 
I take it that if he meant you, your nose gives him the 
lie, for it looks as white as if it were powdered. 

Mrs. B. l^Gets irritated, and walks up and doivn the 
7*oom, knocking over a number of articles. Aside.^ If I 
get angry with the booby, I'll not learn what he knows 
concerning the stories I've heard about the Marquis. [To 



SCENE I.] BLOOD. 55 

Gahriel.'] See here, my man, is there any truth in these 
tales that are going around about your master? \_Enter 
Laura. ^ 

Gab. H. Well, if the Marquis does love dogs, and puts 
them on the foxes' trail, and follows after on a bob-tailed 
nag, or if a mishap ducks him in a brook, or rolls him 
in a bog, a dirty lump, bear you in mind he is of gentle 
blood. If he fights cocks and dogs, and bets at cards to 
make his passing hour enjoyment's time, and gives him- 
self up to the gay dissipations of the night, to talk 
and songs, though lewd ; to wine, though it be drank 
to shame all sense ; to dance, though his half-nude part- 
ner, like himself, ste|)s to the music of a drunken fitldle, 
— bear you in mind he is of gentle blood. If an3'one 
says he is out nights, so say I, are angels of mercy. 
If they say he goes to bed with his boots on, I say, he 
pays to have the sheets washed. If they say he likes 
women, I sa}', so do I, and if women like him and me, 
why, it's no fault of ours that we were made for women's 
liking. So bear in mind, when scandal puis her tongue 
out at him, that he is of gentle blood. One whom for 
such reproaches you should find excuses ; but were he a 
dirty cur and such a nuisance, there'd be some excuse in 
hanging him. \^Mrs. B. turns aiuay. Exit Gabriel H.^ 

Laura. Some folks admire a man of marked reputa- 
tion ; now, for such, this Marquis has enough of it to 
worship. 

Mrs. B. Well, some of these young noblemen are 
just a little wild. 

Laura. And so, grandma, 3'ou'd like to see me this 
man's wife? 

Mrs. B. 'Twould please me indeed to see 3'ou wed 
him. 

Laura. Wh}', grandma, such a character for a hus- 
band ! 

Mrs. B. I'd rather see him as he is, young, wild and 
foolish, for were he wise, sedate, and over-exacting, no 
amount of worship would flame his heart. Some day 
you'll be a lady, and then you'll thank me for my care 
and pains that shape 3'our course so well. Remember, 
love and kindness will tame wildness, and that riches and 
titles make love's nest cos3\ 



56 BLOOD. [act III. 

Laura. Though I have a love, 'tis not for him to 
slay, 
With dissipation and its satellite abuses, — 
No love to pet and win a profligate, 
From tastes that are engrafted in his nature ; 
I have not two minds, whose visions conflict, 
Tlie one to behold the truth and feel its force. 
The other to see a lie as its ideal, — 
Or two hearts to judge, the one to belie the other ; 
Nor two loves, the one that abhors the thought of him, 
The other that has all my nature's sweets for him. 

Mrs, B. I tell you, girl, love's not what you suspect 
it. 
Not what deceitful passion 'd teach you to believe ; 
You've lived a maid, till old enough to be a wife, 
Now dedicate yourself to wisdom's best choice. 
This thing the world calls love, this bait for hot passion, 
That blurs the sight, and robs 3'oung folks of their 

senses, 
Is kin to whooping-cough, chicken-pox, and measles, 
And like them, too, it spends itself in one attack. 
As 3'ou start out on this great journey of life, 
Be wise, and take the guide who has feet to walk, 
"Who has eyes to see all objects in his path, 
And a man's strength in his arms to lift you 
O'er all pitfalls, where dwells bleak poverty ; 
Whose means will make your joui'ney one of pleasure. 
And leave you every sense free to enjoy 
The world's varied scenery which will present itself. 

Laura. Love is the link which binds our hearts in 
faith ; 
The ruling spirit of each sweet caress, 
The dear companion of our life and hope, 
The guiding thought of every day's briglit dream, 
Heaven's guai'dian angel of our honors. 
The blest soul of every virtue. For him 
I've scarce respect, speak not of love. 

Mrs. B. Girl, do you intend to dispute mj' experience 
In this matter of love, men, and marriage? 
Have I studied their natures, whims, and follies 
For twoscore years, and still not know them ? 



SCENE I.] BLOOD. 57 

Have I twice been a bride, and 3'et to learn 

Tiiat as many times I've been duped b}' them? 

Have I not fatliomed tlieir souls for affection, 

And for m}' trouble got the mud of their natures? 

Do they not on their Icnees, with budding lips, 

Heap vow on vow, and swear lies in love's language? 

What bosh they babble out to ever}' girl they hug ; 

The cream of nonsense lies hid in their tongue's charm. 

Oh ! when will women get their senses, and take them 

For what the^' are, and not for what they sa}- ? 

Laura. Men are not like strange animals in a far-otf 
land. 
Beyond onr sight's and nnderstanding's reach ; 
No, here the_y are, the knights of our civilization, 
Our country's bulwark in the time of war. 
Our gallants, and fair rulers in the time of peace. 
Our fathers in our childhood's helpless days. 
The husbands and companions of our married lives. 

Mrs. B. Girl, ^'ou're not old enough to know what 
men are. Their deceit and conceit are measured alike. 
The lowest institutions of our country' are supported b}' 
these our lords of creation ; and yet their looks of virtue 
win our maiden smiles, till we, poor trusting things, with 
horror see them, in their real characters, beard-faced 
hypocrites. Then they laugh, and say we're soft and 
sill}-, and looking owlish, talk of wisdom's ways, with the 
sense of parrot-talking school-boys. Their eternal prattle 
needs no description, — 'tis mone}-, women, politics, and 
religion. 

Laura. Then, grandma, you can't think much of me 
to wish nie to wed one of them, and especially this one. 

Mrs. B. But with such as he, nature has blessed the 
w^orld for some woman's sake. 

Laura. I think it a matter of doubt that nature ever 
had anything to do with him, and if she did, she certain- 
ly owes the world an apology. 

Mrs. B. Girl, go to your room, and remember that 
he is my choice for your husband, and that I'm not to be 
crossed in ray purpose. \_Reenter servant^ tvJio sJioivs in 
the Marquis. As the Marquis enters., Laura goes off.'] 
Ah ! Welcome Marquis, welcome. \_Mrs. B. advances to 
meet him,'] 



58 BLOOD. [act hi. 

Marquis M. M. Madnme, it pleases me to find ^-ou 
alone, for the delicac}' of my situation involves much. 
[iHfr. B. puts his head in at the door.'] 

Mrs. B. \_Lavghing.'] Ah ! Marquis, I've been treated 
to a recital of a few of your bad doings. 

Marquis M. M. Indeed, madatne, there's no laugliing 
down what some folks say. I've tried it myself, and find 
they will tell the truth anyway, or lie at all hazards. 

Mrs. B. Sure enough ! Some (oiks do talk accord- 
ing to the rules and regulations of falsifying. 

Marquis M. M. That isn't the worst of it ; — they lie, 
too. 

Mrs. B. True, scandal will have its victims, and 
morality its angels. 

Marquis M. M. Suppose these people were to talk of 
you and me, would there be any truth in it? 

Mr. B. \_Head in at the door.'] Folks talking about 
them already. 

Mrs. B. Of course not. If they did, they'd only rep- 
resent us in a false light. 

Marquis M. M. Such lights should be put out. 

Mr. B. \_Htad in at the door.] Put the light out? 

Marquis M. M. My dear madame, I've been thinking 
as you've been very kind to me, that should I make ad- 
vances in the right direction, they'd meet with your 
hearty approval. 

Mrs. B. Certainly ; you shall have my warmest con- 
siderations. 

M'lrquis M. M. After all, I fear you will be flustrated 
as much as myself, when you hear what I am about to 
propose. 

Mrs. B. Compose yourself, my dear Marquis, I'm not 
easily' flustrated. 

Mr. B. [Head in at the door.] My dear Marquis ! 
What will it be next? 

Marquis M. M. It's an awful thing to be in love. 

Mr. B. \_Head in at the door.] Yes, with another 
man's wife, it is fearful. 

Mrs. B. Dear me, if the door isn't open all the time. 
Suppose we have it closed. 

Marquis M. M. Yes, my idea of privacy exactly. 



SCENE I.] BLOOD. 59 

[T/ie Marquis rises and shuts the door.^ Well, madame, 
as I was about to remark, I think it high time 1 was bless- 
ing some one as a matrimonial superior. 

Mrs. B. You know I have always looked on jour suit 
with favor. 

Marquis M. M. Yes, madame, I'm aware that I owe 
everything to }'our encouragement, but, is Mr. Breeze at 
all suspicious that I'm matrimonially interested in your 
granddaughter? 

Mrs. B. I doubt that he has given the matter a 
thought. 

Marquis M. M. Of course there'll be no serious ob- 
jections on his part. 

3Irs. B. Oh, no, he alwa3-s finds it convenient for me 
to have my own way in everything. 

Marquis M. M. Then I've nothing to fear from him. 

Mrs. B I thought I heard some one at the door. 

Marquis M. M. So did I, perhaps there is. \_Marquis 
rises and opens the door, ivhen in tumbles Mr. B.'\ 

Mrs. B. Why, goodness gracious, my dear, what's the 
matter ? 

3fr. B. \_G(^ts up in a fury. ^ Oh! So 3'ou don't 
know? Lost your flustration, and want to know what 
the matter is. M}' dear Marquis, — and — it's an awful 
thing tu be in love, — and you've alwa3-s looked on him 
wilh favor, — and you must have the door shut, and put 
out the lights, and you've nothing but warm consideration 
for his advances, and he can depend on 3'ou in such an 
emergenc}', and you want to know vviiat the matter is. 
So, woman, 3'ou've turned from me to that toadstool of 
humanit3' to prove how conspicuously depraved has be- 
come 3'uur taste.. 

Marquis M. M. Sir, may I presume, 

Mr. B. If you do, by Jove, I'll wring 3-our noble 
neck. You presume, — and have the cheek not to sneak 
out of here like a cur. Get. [Catches him by the coat- 
tails and collar of his coat, and p}ushes him toioard the 
door, against Mrs. B. who stands with her back to the door.^ 

Mrs. B. \_Hysterically.'\ You brute ! 3'ou brute ! 
What does this mean ? \_She locks the door and puts the 
key in her pocket.^ There, we'll have an understanding 
about this at once. 



60 BLOOD. [act III. 

Mr. B. \_Releases the Marquis.'] Certainly, being a 
female combination of logical resources, 1 presume yon 
think you can trum|) up some good excuse, but, believe rae^ 
woman, you've played your last card witli me, 3'ou have 
put your finger in m}' eye just once too often. 1 m^y be 
a fool, but for this time I'll cover up my foolishness with 
a little wisdom. 

Mrs. B. I wouldn't forget m3'self, my dear, and act 
so entirely unnatural. 

Mr. B. Open that door. 

Mrs. B. Sir? 

Mr. B. Open that door, or I'll run jouv paramour 
through its panels, 

Mrs. B. I'll not open it till you beg the Marquis's 
pardon for all this abuse. 

Mr. B. Beg his pardon ? 

Mrs. B. Yes, and mine too ; you've made a pretty 
lunatic of yourself this evening. Tut, man, what does 
all this mean ? 

Mr. B. Don't tut me, woman, — what does all this 
mean, — that I'm suspicious of this toot here, — and other 
things too bad and too numerous to mention, — no know- 
ing how much more. 

Mrs. B. Oh, you monstrosit}^ of foolishness ! What 
the Marquis asked was, if you were at all suspicious that 
he was in love with our Laura. 

Marquis M. M. Yes, and I was just trying to find 
out whether j^ou'd object to the honor of having me for 
a son-in-law or not. 

Mrs. B. I undertook to tell you once this evening, 
that overtures had been made to me, by Ladj' Max 
Muddle, to bring about a marriage between our child and 
the Marquis here. But 3'ou got your senses so snarled 
up, that I thought it best to let you go and untangle them 
first. 

Mr. B. \^Aside.'] I don't know but I've made a fool 
of myself. 

Mrs. B. The idea of ^^our rushing in here like a mad 
bull, fury wild, in quest of some phantom of your spleen. 

Marquis M. M. Your wife's paramour? What do 
you mean, sir? 



SCENE I.] BLOOD. 61 

J/r. B. Oh, no, I'm not such a fool as to be jealous 
of , you. 

Marquis 31. M. Sir, 3'ou insulted me. 

Mr. B. Insulted you ! Wliy, can't you take a joke? 
If ever j^ou become m}'^ son-in-law, you must expect 
worse treatment than this. You must bear in mind, too, 
that in such a case, my wife here would become your 
graiidmother-in-law. 

Marquis M. M. Sir, I expect an apolog3^ 

Mr. B. But my Laura is no apology. 

3Iarquis 31. 31. But you insulted me, sir. 

31r. B. Wellj if I called you an ass, and 3'ou're not 
one, why, it's all the better for 3'ou. So you love our 
Laura, then. 

3farquis 31. 31. Yes, considerably better than her 
grandfather. 

3[r. B. How do you know ? This, I know is a little 
inquisitive, but then there's nothing like having an un- 
derstanding. 

3iarquis 31. M. Well, I feel as if it wouldn't be a 
bad idea for me to get married. 

3Ir. B. It might not be bad for you, but how would 
it be for the girl you'd marrj' ? 

Marquis M. 31. Oh ! A splendid thing for her, I can 
assure you. 

3Irs. B. Now j-ou're talking and acting like sensible 
men. \_Enter servant.'] 

Servant. Fire ! F'ire ! The house is all on fire. 
\_Exit servant ivith haste. Smoke enters.] 

3Ir. B. Now keep cool, till I find out where it is. 
\_Exit 3[r. B.] 

3Irs. B. Keep cool in a fire? Just like him. \_They 
all rush out. Re-enter Mrs. B. and Laura. Smoke 
comes with the^n.] 

Laura B. I wonder if poor grandpa is safe. 
- Mrs. B. Oh ! I shall faint, I shall faint, and to be 
burned up in a faint is perfectly horrible. \_She staggers 
toivards the door, and falls in a faiyd.] 

Laura B. Oh, heavens, isn't there any possible way 
to save her? I must call for help. [_Exit Laura.] 

Marquis M. 31. [^Me-entei's, and approaches Mrs. B., 



62 BLOOD. [act-^iii. 

whom he mistakes for Laura.'] Here, Miss Laura, let 
me save you. [^e takes her ^ip in his arms, arid while 
attempting to carry her off, drops her repeatedly.'] 

Mr. B. \_Re'enters with fire extingxiisher on his hack.] 
The devil ! Here the}' are hugging each other like wild- 
cats. \_ne plays on them. The Marquis drops Mrs. B.] 

Marquis M. M. Look here, we're not on fire. [_Exit 
Mr. B, playing a stream of ivaterin every direction. The 
Marquis now sees that instead of Laura it is Mrs. B. 
whom he is attempting to carry off'.] \_Aside.] Why, this 
is only the granny. \_Aloud.] Mrs. Breeze, excuse me, 
I mistook 3'ou for your granddaughter. Pardon my 
familiarity. Excuse me a thousand tinaes, and I'll send 
a man to help you out if possible. \_Exit Marquis:] 

Mrs. B. \^Rises and folloivs him toivard the door, stag- 
gering, — where she faints again. Enter Laura ivho gropes 
her way to the door, where she finds her grandmother. 
She stoops over her.] 

Laura B. Oh ! Horror ! Horror ! Left to such a 
fate ! [Enter Gabriel.] 

Gab. H. 'Twas her voice I heard calling for help, aud 
she seemed somewliere in this direction. [ While groping 
around he finds her.] Let me take you from this place 
at once. [Takes off' his coat and rolls around her, and 
goes oat with her in his arms. Cheers from without. Re- 
enters again ivith a long cloak tvrapped about him, and 
again gropes around in tlie smoke until he finds Mrs. B.] 
Ah, yes, here she is. [lYikes his cloak off', ivraps it 
around her, and goes out ivith her in his arms. Cheers 
from icithout.] 

Scene II. — Drawing-room in Hotel. Discovered Coun- 
tess de Foy and Lady Carra. 

Lady Carra. Then Mr. Hamilton told you the amount 
he received. 

Countess de F. Yes, and I tacitl}- admitted that I 
sent it to him. I also learned from him that the check 
was cashed by the Bank de Paris, and further that Mr. 
Breeze's orders are cashed bj' the same bank. So 3'ou 
see suspicion would point to Laura as the person who 



SCENE II.] BLOOD. 63 

sent him that money. [_Enter Laura loith hook in her 
hand. She sits down at a table.^ Well, Miss Bliss, 
have you become reconciled to 3^0111* change of quarters? 

Laura B. Quite so, and one meets so many friends 
at a hotel you know, that for a time, at least, it makes 
it very pleasant. 

Countess de F. I wonder what has become of Mr. Ham- 
ilton. Why, I haven't seen him since the night of the fire. 

Laura B. I presume he's still in Paris. 

Ladi/ Carra. Indeed, it's a mystery to me, how he 
maintains himself, now that he's no longer the Marquis's 
valet. 

Countess de F. Without an}'^ trouble, I can assure 
you, while a certain female friend of his has a purse. 
\_Laura starts and Lady Carra arid Countess de Foy look 
knowingly at each other.^ 

Lady Carra. Ah ! then 'tis a woman who with one 
hand on her heart, offers her purse to him with the other. 

Countess de F. Certainly, and he knows 'twas but a 
bid for his love. [They rise.'] 

Lady Carra. I wonder how high she values it. 

Countess de F. Oh ! something like three thousand 
francs for a start. 

Lady Carra. That must have been flattering to his 
vanity. 

Countess de F. 'Twas a good offer for a bankrupt 
stock. \_They go up the stage, laughing, and looking back 
at Laura, and go off.] 

Laura. [Rises.] Then he knows all, and told her too, 
and that I have tried to buy his love. [Exit. Re-enter 
Mrs. B. and Gabriel.] 

Mrs. B. Why, Laura said she'd remain here till I re- 
turned. Yes, Mr. Hamilton, we all have man^- thanks 
for you, — but to onl}^ thank you for saving my child's 
life, is far from my intentions. There, vay dear sir 
[holds out a purse], allow me to present 3-ou with this 
purse as a token of our appreciation of your bravery, 
and believe me, while my eyes ever rest on the face of 
mv child, I shall mentally thank you as the preserver 
of her life. 

Gab. H. Thanks, madame, alone are acceptable. 

Mrs. B. The purse is worthy of the deed. 



64 BLOOD. [act hi. 

Gab. H. Then it contains yonx daughter's thanks. 
\_Iie-enter Laura.~\ 

Laura. Here 1 am, grandma, to administer ray own 
thanks. \^Holds out her hand., which Gabriel takes.^ 
There, being mortal, what more can I do than thank you? 

Gab. H. Prevail on madame, here, to put up her 
purse. 

Mi's. B. Then 3'ou refuse it? 

Gab. H. Your daughter's thanks, madame, have paid 
me well. lEnter Mr. B.'] 

Mr. B. My dear, there's something wrong about these 
French keyholes. They are always in the wrong place, 
and upside down when you find them. 

Mrs. B. Couldn't you get into 3 our room? 

Mr. B. Oh, yes, if the door wasn't locked there'd be 
no trouble about getting in, 

Mrs. B. [^Aside to Mr. B.~\ I presume not, then you'd 
fall in. 

Mr. B. Talji: about falling, I just fell over a cat as 
black as Lad^' Proudblood's character. Yes, and when 
I was looking at the chambermaid up stairs, you know, 
the one with diamond black e3-es, and lips as red as her 
mistress' nose, and form that makes a fellow feel as 
though he'd like to be a widower, with his arm about her 
waist ; well, I came near falling again, and would, if I 
hadn't brought up against her. Then, this maker of beds 
had the audacity to tell me to go away, — that I was 
drunk, — yes, woman, a female has insulted your lord and 
master, the seal of your heart, the consolidated bond- 
holder of your affections, the one to whom, you know, 
you declare all their dividends. \_Loo'ks at her tenderly.'] 
The inspiration to your genius for pet names, 3'ou know. 

Mrs. B. She did just right. 

Mr. B. Of course, I reall}^ believe if a person shot 
me, you'd thank them for it. Well, the impudence 
of these servant girls can't be beat, except by their mis- 
tresses. If a man so far forgets himself as to act 
civilly with them, they just practise their sauce on him, 
and then his wife tells them to do it again, and she'll raise 
their pay. 

Mrs. B. Let me see the ke}^ that 3'ou tried to unlock 



SCENE II.] BLOOD. 65 

your door with. \_Gives her a corkscrew.^ That, why 
that's a corkscrew, you 

Mr. B. Coi'kscrevv ! Let me see. \^She returns the 
corkscrew.'] True enough ; who'd have thought you'd 
have been rio-lit I'or once? 

Mrs. B. [Takes him by the arm.] There, let me see 
if I can unlock your door. 

Mr. B. [Just discovers Gabriel.] By all that's com- 
bustible, if here isn'i Mr. Hamillon. [They adrance and 
shake hands.] There, my dear fellow, I'd rather shake 
3'our hand than ai^y hand in Eurojje. [Holds on to 
Gabriel's hand. 3Irs. B. tugs at Mr. B.'s sleeve to get him 
to go.] Yes, sir, that hand restored my little girl to 
me, — that hand snatched her from the flames that leaped 
before my very eyes. I feel that my heart isn't big^ 
enough to do you honor ; but there, Mr. Hamillon, we 
shall meet again. As I feel tired now, I think I shall 
retire. [Exit Mr and Mrs. B.] 

Laura. Mr. Hamilton, won't 30U be seated? [Gabriel 
takes a chair.] It seems, sir, that to only thank you for 
m^' life is but to be ungrateful, and not to rightly appre- 
ciate your noble bravery, and the fearful death from 
which you rescued me. But let me assure you that 
through the coming 3'ears of my life, memorj' will ever 
do you honor, and friendship hold you in high esteem. 

Gab. H. Who wouldn't go through fire for such a re- 
ward, and be doubly thanked to see 5-ou safe, and though 
surrounded with beauty, lovely as the diadem that crowns 
it. 

Laura. Please don't think me a child that you can 
flatter. 

Gab. H. No, but a woman to whom I can speak the 
truth ; a shrine where honest praise can do hcmiage. 

Laura. Thanks, the compliment is worthy of 3'ou. 

Gab. H. [Gets up and approaches her.] Laura, — 
will you give me the right to call you Laura? 

Laura. 'Tis a father's right, and I care not to be 
adojjted. 

Gab. H. 'Tis a husband's right. [Laiira rises.] 

Laura. Sir, did you save my life that I might pay 
you with my heart, though it should go a sacrifice? 



66 BLOOD. [act III. 

Gab. H. Far from it. Could I win your love, I'd 
take it as a boon from Heaven ; but should you offer your- 
self as a sacrifice, you'd not be worth the taking. No, 
since first we've met, I've been possessed of love, and 
since, no moment's thought has been free (;f you ; nu hope 
I've had that left you out. 

Laura. \_Aside.'] And so, with perhaps a kiss of 
hers upon his lips, and French flattery on his tongue, he 
comes to me with hopes to win my love. [To Gnhriel.'] 
Sir, 3'ou saved ray life ; for that, you have my thanks, and 
good gold has been offered you. You have tlie one, 
and still can have the otlier. But name your reward, and 
if my word prevails it will be yours. Don't stop to divide, 
but multiply. Dream not that I'll make my heart a 
sacrifice. No, far from it, for first I'd let it burn in my 
bod3\ Though life is sweet, it is no equivalent for a 
life that tramples love, honor, hope, happiness, all be- 
neath my feet. Yes, m}- heart and love are more than a 
price for my life. They have the value of every virtue 
that makes up the human soul. 

Gab. H. 'Tis enough. By what I've heard, I knew 
it would be folly, madness, and yet love would have its fit. 
To-day, to-da^' you've crushed the fondest hope m^^ heart 
has ever cherished. \_Exit Gabriel.'] 

Lanra. Now he can go back to his lad3'-love, con- 
vinced that that money of mine was no bid for his 
love ; and 3'et, I do love him, till it seems as if madness 
would be the result of refusing him. \_Takes out her 
handkerchief and bows her head in her hands. Re-enter 
Mrs. B. Laura Inoks up.] Oh 1 grandma, I wish you'd 
take me home ; I'm tired of Paris and all the world but 
home. \_Iie-enter Countess de Foy and Lady Carra.] 

Gou7itess de F. And Miss Laura is tired of Paris? 
Why, my dear, you haven't even tasted its sweets yet, — 
and Paris, 3'ou know, is the world's honey-comb of 
pleasure, and when once 3'ou've learned to love it, no ties 
can win you from it. 

Mrs. B. There, my dear, I think }'ou'd better come to 
your room, at once. This is only a re-action from the 
late excitement at the fire. \_Exit Laura and Mrs. B.] 

Countess de F. It's too bad about the poor thing, 



SCENE II.] BLOOD. 67 

isn't it? I presume she's never been further in a love 
att'air before, than to admire herself. \_Re-enter Gabriel.'] 

Gab. II. My lad}-, I was just on the i)oint of leaving 
the hotel, and wishing to see you privately for a moment, I 
thought, if agreeable to you, the present time was as good 
as any. 

Lady Carra. Then I think I nia^' be excused for the 
present. 

Countes.^ cle F. Oh, certainl}' ; but what in the world, 
Mr. Hamilton, possessed you to make Miss Laura weep? 

Gab. H. And was she really in tears? 

Coanteas de F. [Latighivg.] Tears ! Yes, hysterical 
tears, such as women often shed after laughing too much. 
But what a magnificent creature she is, to be sure. 

Gab. H. Slie is, indeed, a beautiful woman. 

Countess de F. Yes, and modest enough to cheat the 
most suspicious, and then, you know, she should be en- 
courageil for trying so hard to be a lad}-. 

Gab. JI. She is a lady. 

Countess de F. Indeed, I did hear that a dissipated 
nobleman almost threw himself away on her, but nothing 
more. If she's not married to one, I wouldn't be surprised 
to hear of her making some such a matrimonial alliance, 
for her dear grandma is determined to make a lady of 
her, though the metamorphosis of making her one should 
be perfuimed even b_y a monstrosity. 

Gab. II. It requires not the hand of a nobleman to 
make a lady of her. Heaven has made her one already. 

Countess de F. Wh}', Mr. Hamilton, I should judge 
you were near the proposing point. 

Gab. H. Oh, no, I'm at the other end. 

Countess de F. Then you're safe. Look sharp, my 
dear sir, your countrywomen come here, not to imitate 
our virtues, but rather to imi)rove on our follies, and I 
mu t sa}- that the improvement some of them make, 
spt-aks well of their abilities. 

Gab. H. It's only too true ; but then, you know, she's 
an exception. 

Countess de F. It's too bad to have to believe some 
thii]g3, but then, what can one do who has eyes and 
ears ? 



68 BLOOD. [act. III. 

Gab. H. To me, she is the spotless one. 

Countess de F. Her opinion of yon gives j^our charac- 
ter considerable color. 

Gab. H. True, she has a poor opinion of me, but I 
know I'm not mistaken in her. 

Countess de F. \^Rises and approacJies'him.'] Gabriel, 
should I express a worse opinion of you than she, would 
you exalt me in 3-our heart all the more? If so, hear 
me. — I call you devil. 

Gab. H. Madame, you are a married woman. 

Countess de F. A most cruel reminder. 

Glib. H. The truth, nevertheless. 

Countess de F. Then you scorn my love? 

Gab. H. I do not scorn your love, since I respect 
your husband. 'Tis his, and therefore not yours to give. 
'Tis his, although in your keeping, and so beyond my 
reach to receive, except I play the thief and steal it as I 
would his purse. 

Countess de F. \^Aside.^ Well, there's nothing like 
desperation to put an end to doubt. \_Lauglis merrily.'] 
Wh}', sir, such talk as that will make me believe that 
you think me in earnest, [^Laughs agnin.'\ I see, poor 
man, that matrimou}' is the only remed}^ for your 
sighs. Well, I presume you'll be satisfied after you get 
a wife who'll take the sleep out of your eyes, flesh off your 
bones, money out of your pocket, and put the devil in 
yom- heart. As far as being the guardian of a vs^ife's love, 
I think you'll be like the rest of men, — make a good 
gallant, but a poor husband. But, pray, Mr. Hamilton, 
for what did you want to see me? 

Gab. H. Madara, as I am about to leave for America, 
I wish to return you that magnificent present, which I fear 
3'ou were prompted to send me, under a feeling of obliga- 
tion for a slight service J was so fortunate as to render 
3'Ou the first time we met. There, my ladj' \_Lays a roll 
of bills on the table], though I return" this to you, 'tis with 
thanks that are warm with the gratitude of my heart ; and 
madame, I shall ever remember that when you thought 
me destitute, yours was the hand that sought to help me. 
lE7iter Earl de F.] 

Earl de F. Ah ! A money transaction. Am I to 
know the secret of the enterprise ? 



SCENE II.] BLOOD. 69 

Countess cle F. Perhaps Mr. Hamilton will explain. 

Gab. II. Certainl3\ You see, Earl, you're blessed with 
a charitable wife, who, some time ago, thinking me desti- 
tute, sent me this sum of mone}' as a present, which 
I am about to return to her, — as I'm not in need of it, 
and about to leave the countrj'. 

Earl de F. [ To the Countess.'] Is this the explanation ? 

Countess de F. I'm sure this is all news to me. I 
never sent him anj^ money, and he has none to return me. 
\^Aside.] I'll teach him what he does, when he flings me 
back m}' love. \^Exit Countess de F.] 

Gab. H. \^Aside.'] She don't wish to have him 
know, and so denies it. \^Takes up the bills and puts 
them in his p)0cket .] 

Earl de F. Wh}', sir, did you suppose m}' wife sent 
3'Ou that mone}'? 

Gab. H. Because I knew her to be a friend. 

Earl de F. [ With a sneer.] A friend ! But she 
denies sending it. 

Gab. H. Then I'm mistaken. 

Earl de F. But, sir, am I mistaken in you ? 

Gab. H. That depends on what you think of me. 

Earl de F. It might not be ver}^ flattering to j^our 
vanity. , 

Gab. H. But, perhaps, in keeping with your judg- 
ment, — but, sir, as my time is limited, I have the honor 
of bidding you good da3^ 

Earl de F. Another lover ! Oh, hell, give me a 
thought. \_Re-enter Countess, loeeping. Earl, fiercely.] 
Well, madame, does it make you weep to think that this 
new lover is about to leave yowl 

Countess de F. Oh ! I presume 'tis m^^ lot to bear all 
such now. 

Earl de F. Bear what? 

Countess de F. , Insult ! 

Earl de F. You deserve it. 

Countess de F. Then j-ou think he was justified in 
insulting j-our wife ? 

Earl de F. Do you refer to this Hamilton? [_/She 
turns aivay and pids her handkerchief to her eyes.] So 
'twas he ; how did he insult you? 



70 BLOOD. [act III. 

Countess de F. As could only a man insult a woman. 
When I left you with him here, 'twas with an inward 
struggle to bear up with it for your sake, but since, with 
it on my mind, I've felt a guiltj^ thing. 

Earl de F. Well, I'm glad to find he's not a lover. 

Countess de F. \_Throios her arms around his neck.'] 
Yes, my dear, what you find all the scare-crows of your 
heart to be. 

Farl de F. Ah ! There comes Lady Carra ; I'll leave 
you with her. I must see this Hamilton before he quits 
the hotel. \_EnteT Lady Carra, to ivhom the Earl bows, 
and then makes his exit.] 

Lady Carra. Why, my dear, what's the matter? 

Countess de F. Oh ! nothing, only I've been putting 
the Earl up to fight a duel. 

Lady Carra. Then you conspire to be his widow ? 

Countess de F. I'm sure if a woman ever deserved to 
be one, I do. Here I've been married a whole year, and 
my husband alive yet. 

Lady Carra. 1 know how to pity you, mj^ dear, for I 
was once in a like condition m^'self. 

Countess de F. Oh, well, fortune may smile on me 
yet. 

Lady Carra. And after being a widow three times as 
I have, then you'll begin to think that the world isn't so 
bad to 3'ou after all. 

Countess de F. Ah ! my ambition ! Shall I ever be a 
widow three times? 

Lady Carra. Whj^, there's the Countess Tigoris, who 
has buried three husbands in the creditably short time of 
three j^ears, and has since been divorced from as many 
more, and now she's living with her seventh husband, and 
though they seem to get along pleasantly enough for the 
present, she vows that she'll never be satisfied till she can 
count a lord of creation for every finger. 

Countess de F. Yes, I remember before I was married 
how I used to envj^ her for been able to change her name 
with every change of season. 

Lady Carra. Then, you see, we've both much to live 
for yet. 

Countess de F. Yes, but how she attracts men is more 



SCENE II.] BLOOD. 71 

than I can understand, though I know she's an encourag- 
ing example for all honaelj^ women who resort to art for 
their beaut}'. 

Lady Carra. But what if the Earl should kill Mr. 
Hauiilton, or the reverse should be the case? 

Countess de F. Should the Earl put an end to Mr. 
Hamilton, then I shall be credited with planting another 
lover. If INIr. Hamilton makes a corpse of my dear lord 
and master, then we shall have a grand funeral and the 
most appropriate kind of weeds. I'm sure if the Earl 
thinks an} tiling of me, he'll be certain to get his quietus, 
for who should be more willing to gratify the wishes of 
a wife than a husband. [_They laitgh.^ 

L'ldy Carra. Indeed, if he don't, in my estimation, it 
should be held as a sufficient ground for a bill of divorce. 
But what of the possibility of the Earl's only being 
wounded? 

Countess de F. Not ver}- encouraging, to be sure, but 
then, let us hope for the best. \_Takes her poodle up in 
her lap and fondles it.'] Oh ! You dear, dear little darling. 
\_Euter Marquis unseen.'] 

Marquis M. M. Are you speaking to me, my lady ? 

Countess de F. Do you suppose I'd talk to a man so, 
while I've a poodle to pet? 

Marquis M. M. It would be nice, wouldn't it, to be 
just man enough and poodle enough to please you? 

Countess de F. I find poodles are just splendid to 
make husbands jealous. I know I never enjoyed married 
life till I got this one. 

Marquis M. M. \_Pats the dog's head.] Yes, he's a 
nice little fellow. A pretty little dog. It's hard to tell 
which is the better looking, 3^ou or your mistress. But 
there'd be~no doubt about it if you had your ears and 
tail cut off. 

Countess de F. \^Gets ujo.] Is he a good ratter? [To 
Lady Carra.] Come, it seems the Marquis wants more 
room. 



72 BLOOD. Fact iv. 



ACT IV. 

Scene I. — The hotel veranda^ music within, dancers can 
be seen through the windows. Enter Countess de F. 

Countess de F. It's time he was here if he means to 
meet me. Ah ! There he is. \Exit Countess de F. 
Enter Earl de F., smoking, ivalJcs up and down veranda, 
then takes chair and sits down. Enter Laura.'] 

Laura. Good evening, Earl. 

Earl de F. [iJises,] Ah ! mademoiselle. 

Laura. I hope yoa will excuse me, sir, for again re- 
ferring to the trouble between you and Mr. Hamilton, but 
after speaking with you to-day on that subject, I has- 
tened to the Bank de Paris, and there obtained the 
original order I sent when I directed it to advance him 
the sum of money which he supposed came from your 
wife. As an American, and a poor student, I then thought 
him worthy of help. There is the order. \_Gives him a 
paper.] 

Earl de F. \_Takes the order and reads it hy the light 
of the window.'] It actually proves all 3'ou say, — that 
3'ou sent it and he received it. 

Laura. Then, you see, you've proof that he supposed 
jour wife sent it to him. 

Earl de F. But, still, nothing to justify his subse- 
quent insults to her. 

Laura. Oh! sir, perhaps if all were known, your 
wife was more mistaken than insulted. I can't bear the 
thought of being the occasion of this trouble. \_Re-enter 
Countess de F.] 

Countess de F. Ah ! I know I'm intruding, but then, 
you know, suspicion makes a wife bold. 

Earl de F. Suspicion of what? 

Countess de F. Nothing, onl}' that you two intend to 
behave 3'ourselves till j'ou forget. 

Earl de F. Madamoiselle, excuse her. 

Laura. Certainly. \^Exit Laura.] 

Earl de F. So, madame, you fired j^our gun. 



SCENE I.] BLOOD. 73 

Countess de F. Yes, ray dear, and I hit the mark, too. 

Earl de F. Your insinuatioas were base. 

Countess de F. Yes, that is to say, there was some 
base for my insinuations. 

Earl de F. What is it, then ? 

Countess de F. What does she mean by running 
around so after you ? 

Earl de F. Put it as you please. If it is impossible 
to be on friendly terras with you, 'tis not with the world. 

Countess de F. Well, 'tis a relief to see you taking up 
with other company than mine, and I truly trust, sir, 
that there'll be no betrayal of confidence on your part. 
\_Exit Countess de F.^ 

Earl de F. Jealous ! And reallj' for the first time 
to my knowledge. Indeed, and so I must be of some con- 
sequence, after all, but soon she'll find how she wrongs 
me. Yes, I will despatch the challenge to him at once. 
\_Exlt the Eiirl. Re-enter Gabriel and Countess de F. 
Countess looks cautiously around.^ 

Counters de F. They all seem to be engaged in the 
dance. But as I was going to remark, it is not on my 
account that he seeks to revenge himself on 3'ou. 

Gab. H. Then pray what does he mean by declaring 
that I insulted you? 

Countess de F. That's but a mere pretence, while the 
real cause is his infatuation for Miss Laura. \_Gahriel 
turns c6ioay.] There, and 3'ou doubt it, though yoa saw 
them meeting clandestitiel)' here, and exchanging letters, 
but a moment ago. This is not the first time either that 
I've parted them. If it were, she might be excused, but 
as they meet as often as the occasion will permit, why, 
with me, as his wife, it is becoming a serious matter. 

Gab. H. Then you think she's infatuated with him. 

Countess de F. He seems encouraged. 

Gab. H. It's not credible. 

Countess de F. You forget, that in her eyes he is a 
nobleman. 

Gab. II. It can't be that she's so foolish and heartless. 

Countess de F. If she were not heartless, after having 
saved her life, as 3'ou did, she would have made you the 
god of the heaven of her love. \_R'i-enter Laura B.^ 



74 BLOOD. [act IV. 

ineeting them face to face. Exit Gabriel and Countess 
deF.^ 

Laura. So this is the man on whom my love doats, 
dreams, and lives. \^LooJcs around.'] I thought I'd still 
find the Earl here, and get that order back again. \^Enter 
Marquis Max Jluddle.] 

Marquis M. M. Ah ! Miss Laura, I thought you were 
out here, for I could not see a star, and so concluded you 
were on tiie eclipsing business. 

Laura. Sir ! 

Marquis M. M. Miss Laura, I've been wanting to. 
propose to you for a long time. \_Slie turns avmy .] Oh, 
Laura, if you only knew what was in my throat, you'd 
pity me. Yes, the sweet lullaby of my heart is j'our own 
pet name. Fair angel, you never loved yourself better than 
I love you. \_Enter Mrs. B. The Marquis holds down his 
head.] \^Aside.] Let me see, what was I about to say 
next. [^Aloicd.] You see, they all say that I'm in love. I 
don't know, but suppose they know best ; and m}^ friends 
at the club say that 'tis high time I had a wife under con- 
trol, and was tuning up the discords of married life. My 
mother says of course I love j'ou, as you have a great for- 
tune, and I a great many wants, and so I've concluded to 
make the best of 3'ou. I'm a Marquis, — I suppose 3'ou 
know what that means, if not, by and by, when I won't 
be bothered courting you, I'll tell you all about it. And, 
come to think of it, I'm a man of many superior points. 
Not a porcupine, but a good enough kind for a woman's 
superior, provided she don't trj^ the henpecking business. 
[^Mrs. M. approaches.] But one thing I want under- 
stood before you take advantage of me. \_Laura turns 
away and walks off.] I don't want any rheumatic, 
hysterical females around me ; not that I object to 
your grandmotlier's having the rheumatism or hysterics, 
and taking them to bed with her, but I do object to 
being put in the same bed. No ; I don't want any such 
a female around me, always sporting a wrinkle on her 
nose. You see my eccentricities are of a peculiar type, 
with strong odor of contempt for females of the mother- 
in-law persuasion. Besides, j^ou know, when a man has a 
wife, she's enough for him to contend with, without having 



SCENE II.] BLOOD. 75 

her grandmother around with her, always destroying hap 
piness and mixing the devil np witli politeness. [^Looks 
up and finds that instead of talking to Laura, he has been 
addressing Mrs. B. Falls backivards over the veranda, 
and holds on tvith his hands and /eef.] 

3Irs. B. It's too bad you're not hanging by the neck. 
\_Exit Mrs. J5.] 

Marquis 3f. M. Oh! dear, I've fainted. Give me 
air, brand}'. Am I drunk, or only intoxicated ? [^Lets 
himself down on the laion, then gets up and rubs 
himself.'] Talk about astronomical discoveries, and 
stars ; — why here's a whole system just come to light ; 
that was quite a fall for a little ways. I wonder if any 
one took me for a falling star or an asteroid. But I had 
supposed that that antiquarian apparition had shuffled 
her coil by this time, given the old man the variations of 
bedtime in a high key, and now had her shoring abilities 
well tuned. Perhaps she'll only take what I said for an 
honest opinion, or possibly think that my eccentricities 
were merely on a spree. \_Re-enter Gab. H. and Countess 
de F.] 

Countess de F. No, not that I reall}^ sent the money, 
but knew of it. Oh, no, I wasn't to be caught in such a 
scrape, but if I didn't send it, a friend did. So, before 
I'm missed, — good-night. Angels in thy dreams, and 
may the fates preserve thee till we meet again. [_Throws 
him a kiss. They exit in different directions.'] 

Marquis M. M. Yum, yum. It's all hug and hug with 
them. She don't seem to be very particular whether she 
make a devil or an angel out of the Earl, provided she 
only has the pleasure of crying at his funeral. 

Scene II. — Drawing-room. Discovered Laura and the 
Marquis. 

Laxira. I shall never forget that I owe my life to Mr. 
Hamilton. 

Marquis M. M. Nor can I forget that I think just as 
much of you, as though I had saved your life myself. 
Indeed, I couldn't improve on yonv feelings if I were your 
husband. 

Laura. Oh ! Then it didn't lower me in your estima- 
tion at all to have been saved by Mr. Hamilton? 



76 BLOOD. [act IV- 

Marquis M. M. Not in the least. Do you think 
such a small thing as that would make me change mj 
mind ? 

Laura. I don't know ; you men are so fickle. 

Marquis M. M. That's a contagion that never 
attacked me. 

Laura. It ma}' be hereditary. 

Marquis M. M. But I'm not one of the tubercular 
tribe. Besides, I know my place as a live beau, if I'ns 
onl}^ encouraged. 

Laura. There, Marquis, do tell me some of your good 
points. Why, one would think you were a pirate to hear 
you talk so about yourself. 

Marquis M. M. Well, I love dogs ; — a good habit, 
isn't it? I also practice my affections on horses, just to 
keep them in working order, you know, till I get married. 
Then I indulge m}- ardor in champagne, which shows, 
consistency in full bloom ; and cards, though a tricky 
amusement, have the elements of innocence and old maids. 
in them. Then my other accomplishments will bear 
special notice after I get married. 

Laura. \_Sorrow fully.'] Is that all? 

Marquis M. M. Oh, no ; you see with my love 
divided between my wife and such accomplishments, that 
she'll really get the better of me. And above all, I'll be 
her right-hand man, and she will find me worth being jealous 
of, too, if I know myself. I'm no fool, as you can see, 
if you've taken the trouble to observe. Perhaps you've 
already noticed it. 

Laura. So you think that if some lady would be 
satisfied with any kind of a husband, you'd make a very 
good one. 

Marquis M. M. Not exactly, though that's a point in 
my favor ; but if she'd onl}' be contented with a good com- 
bination of matrimonial points, she'd find I'd do without 
much courting. 

Laura. Then 3^ou don't think much of courting? 

Marquis M. M. Not to speak of. You see this 
swapping sighs and smiles for a half dozen years, is a 
loss of time, and time's monej', and money makes the 
mare go. Besides, they never really know each other 



SCENE II.] BLOOD. 77 

till after the3've harvested some matrimonial bliss. But, 
by the wa}', courting does well enough if there's an 
occasional marriage mixed in with it now and then. 
You see it takes the curse off ; don't you think so? 

Laura. Then after all, you really believe in marriage. 

3Iarquis M. M. Oh, yes, as it makes squabbling 
legal and binding. So my idea is, that if after a longer or 
shorter observation of what we can see, we mutually 
agree or coincide that we're fitted to make mates in the 
same hymeneal nest ; why it's a mere waste of ammuni- 
tion to further continue negotiations. 

Laura. Then 3'ou don't think much of a courting 
skirmish? 

Marquis M. M. No, give me the pitched battle ; the 
sooner the agony, the shorter the dread. 

Laura. Indeed ! Yours is a religious submission. 

Marquis M. M. Rather acquiescing to the inevitable ; 
however, I believe in making marriage nip courting in the 
bgd, and so stop all superfluous talk about the matter. 

Laura. But suppose a young lady wishes to find out 
something of her lover's character, why, you see, courting 
gives her an opportunit}'. 

Marquis M. M. Oh ! She'd find him out soon enough 
after marriage, I can assure 3'ou. Besides, if he's an honest 
fellow, he'd tell her all about it. Why, I never gave any 
woman a chance to blackmail me, nor did I ever lay myself 
liable to a breach of promise. I never broke anybody's 
heart, that I know of. My morals are all intact and in good 
working order. Morality, I never committed suicide ; in 
fact, I never committed myself in any way ; so to pop 
the issue, if you've been sent into the world to be ray 
wife, I don't object. In fact, I'm willing to put up with 
m}' fate. Now if you'll accept my hand, heart, fortune, 
and name, I'm 3'ours. I know I've asked you this question 
before, and, getting no answer, I took your silence for 
consent. But I thought I'd ask you now to confirm it. 

Laura. Why, Marquis, you're very kind. 

Marquis M. M. Don't mention it. 

Laura. But 3'ou overpower me so. 

Ma,rquis M. M. Well, I always like to do the good 
thing:. 



78 BLOOD. [ACT IV. 

Laura. But come to think of it, I shall have to give- 
you up. 

Marquis M. M. \_Drops on his knees, hurtiyig them.. 
Aside.~] Oh, my knees ! \_Ruhs his knees.'] This, dear 
Laura, is only a part of what I have suffered for you. 
\_Ruhs his knees again.] Would you leave me a prey to- 
the fury of my nature? 

Laura. \_Takes up a hook and commences to read^ 
Yaioning.] I must refer you to m}' grandparents. 

Marquis M. M. Your parents never loved you as I 
do. I could swim the ocean for j^ou. 

Laura. And really, can 3'ou swim? 

Marquis M. M. Yes ; and I could go through fire for 
you. 

Laura. Well now, come to think of it, you have 
proved yourself a good salamander. [^Enter Mrs. B^ 
followed by Mr. B.] I think you had better see my 
grandmother. 

Marquis M. M. Oh ! Laura, let us take each oth^r 
into consideration, and grandmothers be ignored. 

Mrs. B. Laura, what is the meaning of this? 

Laura. Oh ! nothing very serious. 

Marquis M. M. No, madame, I onl}^ wish your 
daughter well, and so would wed her. 

Mrs. B. Sir, for j^ou to look me in the face is insult.. 

Marquis M. M. My dear madame, I was only fooling 
the other night. 

Mrs. B. And then _you made quite a successful fool. 

Marquis M. M. \_Gets up.] Madame, you're a. 
woman. 

Mrs. B. I can't call you a man. 

Marquis M. M. Madame, I shall have the honor of 
bidding you an eternal farewell. 

Mrs. B. Thank you. \^Marquis starts to go.] 

Mr. B. Sir, have you been insulting these ladies?' 

Marquis M. M. Do you insinuate ? 

3Ir. B. No, sir, I mean it. 

Marquis M. M. Then I don't take it. - 

Mr. B. All right ; but I was thinking if you did, how 
nicely 'twould fit you. 

Marquis M. M. I don't understand. 



SCENE II.] BLOOD. 79 

Mr. B. Oh ! I onlj^ mean that I haven't fought a duel 
since I've been in France, but hope soon to have an 
opportunity. 

Marquis M. M. A cause for one may gratify you. 

Mr. B. Sir, you're a scoundrel. 

Marqais M. M. You're wrongly informed. 

Mr. B. You lie, like a town clock. [Exit Marquis 
in a hurry. Mr. B. tal-es off' his collar.'] There, my 
dear, I've ruptured a button. I think you had better 
repair it at once. [Exit Mr. and Mrs. B. Enter Gabriel. 
Laura rises.~\ 

Gab. H. Miss Bliss, on returning late to my apart- 
ments last night, I found 3^our order awaiting me, 
and so concluded 'twould be well to refund you the 
money at once. [Takes out x>ciper and roll of bills and- 
lays them on the table.'] There, I think you'll find here 
the whole amount I received, with interest. 

Laura. [Aside.] I might have known she would 
get that order from the Earl, and give it to him. 

Gab. H. I supposed, madame, j'ou looked for this visit,. 
or I would not have made mj'self a subject of annoyance 
to you. 

Laura. [Aside.] The idea — ^just as if I had sent it to 
tim as a hint for him to return the money. [To G.] I 
can assure you this visit was unexpected. 

Gab. H. True, I might have sent the monev to you. 
by another person, or have placed it in the bank at 
your disposal, but then I thought your kindness in that 
act, worth}' of my personal thanks. 

Laura. [Aside.] He comes late witji his thanks, 
knowing all along that I sent it. 

Gab. H. To learn to-day that you were the author of 
this kindness, makes it vain for my lips to attempt my 
heart's bidding. [She turns away from him and sits down. 
He bows and retires.] 

Laura. Gabriel, Mr. Hamilton, please be seated. 
[She looks up and starts to find him gone.] What, have 
1 driven him from me? Not even asked him to be 
seated ! 'Twas an insult. How modest, gentlemanly, 
and yet that woman's lover? And for the full love of my 
heart, nothing to offer me but such. No, my woman's 



80 BLOOD. [act IV. 

pride must bear me up, and let him go his wa.j. [Enter 
Earl de F.^ 

Exrl de F. Mademoiselle, I fear I have made a. 
grievous mistake, an unpardonable blunder, 

Laura. Indeed ! 

Earl de F. Yes, by losing the order you gave me last 
night. 

Laura. [ Takes up order and money from the table.'\ 
I see you did, and here it is, having but just been re- 
turned to me. 

Earl de F. By whom ? 

Laura. The last person in the world whom I would 
have know that it was 1 who sent it. 

Earl de F. But how came he by it? 

Laura. Ask the Countess ; no doubt she could inform 
you. 

Earl de F. You wrong her. She never saw it, much 
less gave it to any one. [Enter Countess de F.'] 

Countess deF. You see, my dear, I shall be on hand 
when you attempt to elope. 

Earl de F. 'Twill be very kind of you to see me off^ 

Countess de F. Yes, and a great pleasure ; ahem ! 

Earl de F. Madame, we've been discussing a lost 
paper, and the probabilit}' of your having found it. 

Countess de F. [Takes a letter out of her ijocket and 
holds it up in his face.'] Is that it? 

Earl de F. [Takes letter and reads it'] Fury! This 
is the challenge that I sent to that Hamilton. 

Countess de F. Did you expect him to find it in my 
desk ? 

Earl de F. [Aside.] This is what I left there last night 
instead of the atfectionate letter that I wrote her saying 
I would defend her honor in the morning, if need be with, 
m}' life? 

Countess de F. Sir, what is the meaning of this? 

Earl de F. Good heavens ! I'll be made a butt of 
ridicule from one end of the continent to the other. 

Countess de F. To be sure. 

Earl de F. Here I've already posted him a coward 
in public print, for not meeting me, though I never 
challenged him, — challenged my wife ! 



SCENE II.] BLOOD. 81 

Countess de F. Yes, and if you don't make a suitable- 
apolog}', I may see fit to accept. 

Earl de F. "^Oli, fool, fool that I am. 

Countess de F. \^Aside.^ That's what T always told 
Mm, but he's only just beginning to understand himself. 

EarldeF. \_To Laura.'] Then 'twas Mr. Hamilton 
himself who returned that order to you ? 

Laura. It was, sir. 

Earl de F. Yes, and I sent it to him last night instead 
of a challenge, which was intended ; — enclosed the chal- 
lenge to my wife in place of a letter, and made a fool of 
m3-self all round. \_Enter Marquis M. M., reading a 
paper.] 

Marqtds M. M. I saj'. Earl, here it is. [Holds th& 
pa])er xip to Mm.'] See. \_Points and reads.] " I hereby 
brand Gabriel Hamilton a coward." Signed. Earl de Foy . 

Earl de F. Take it away ; the thought of it is- 
enough. 

Marquis 31. M. Why, Earl, this is an accusation to- 
be proud of. \_Re-enter Gabriel tvith Mrs. B. on his arrriy 
folloived by Mr. B.] 

Mrs. B. You see, Laura will want to thank .you, too,, 
when she hears that it was you who saved my life as well 
as her own. 

Laura. \_Goolly.] So, grandma, you've found your 
hero. 

Mrs. B. Yes, and indeed, Mr. Hamilton, I think you 
were A^er}^ selfish. Here you've gone, as I might say,. 
and saved the lives of a whole famil}', and then walked, 
off without giving us even a chance to thank you. I 
really believe that if it were not for the gendarme wha 
assisted you on the ladder the night of the fire, and whO' 
since promised to find out who you were, as he did just 
now, when he pointed 3'ou out to me in the otHce, I should 
still be in ignorance of who m}' preserver was. 

Gab. H. Virtue, madame, is its own reward. 

Laura. I fear, grandma, we shall be in his debt for- 
ever. 

Gab. H. To see you both alive and well, cancels all 
obligations. 

Marquis M. M. That reminds me of what Countess- 



82 BLOOD. [act. IV. 

de Fo3^ said to j'ou on the veranda the other dark night. 
\^S tops a moment. '\ Ah! I have it, — "May the fates 
preserve thee till some other dark night." 

Mrs. B. On the veranda last night with the 
Countess ! Not the last person in the world to make 
such a mistake. 

Earl de F. Be careful how you make such statements. 

Marquis M. M. That's as much as to say the worst 
inclinations of my tongue have been having fair play. 

Earl de F. I'm glad you understand me. 

Marquis M. M. Sir, this is a direct denial that yoa 
insinuate. 

Earl de F. Take it as best suits your temper. 

Marquis M. M. Be careful, Eari ; of late you've been 
luck}' in challenging a coward, but perhaps fortune might 
fail you in a second attempt. 

Gab. H. Yes, my humble opinion is, that the man 
who cares to fight the Marquis, is ripe for eternity. 

Laura. In the interest of peace, I've this to say, the 
Marquis' statement is true. 

Earl de F. True ? 

Mrs. B. \_To Laura.'] Do you know what you say? 

Laura. I saw them there, myself, at the time men- 
tioned. 

Countess de F. Oh, to be sure, but if you hadn't been 
there indulging in little secrecies with a married man,. 
3'OU and he wouldn't be so shocked at the idea of Mr. 
Hamilton and myself meeting there and speaking. 

Mrs. B. \_To Laura.] You on the veranda at night 
with the Earl, indulging in secrecies ! 

Laura. I did speak to him there last evening on a 
• matter of business. 

Countess de F. Yes, some folks do transact business 
in the dark. 

Earl de F. About that matter, I have this to say : — 
Last evening. Miss Bliss, here, in the interests of peace, 
and to prevent bloodshed, if possible, between Mr. Ham- 
ilton and me, gave me a paper which lie had obtained 
late during the day, [to Gabriel] which paper, you, sir, 
received Irom me last night b}' mistake, instead of a 
challenge. 



SCENE II.] BLOOD. 83 

3Irs. B. But wb}- a challenge ? 

Earl de F. P'or insult to the Countess. 

Gab. H. She claims no insult, but rather that you, 
infatuated with Miss Laura, seek to meet me as a rival. 

Countess de F. \_Aside.'] Beat at my own game ! 

Earl de F. Goddess of iniquity, what does this mean? 

Cotmtess de F. [^Indignantly.^ That you meet your man, 
but in the wrong held, and with harmless weapons. [_Gab. 
H. takes a letter out of his 2)ocket. Aside. ^ Dare he be- 
tra}' me for those unguarded words I've just uttered? 

Gab. H. Hitherto I considered your wife a friend of 
mine, but recent events prove that I have been mistaken. 

Earl de F. But what reason had you for thinking she 
sent you that sum of money? 

Gab. H. She professed to be m}' friend, when friends 
with me were scarce in Paris ; then she even tacitly 
admitted sending me that money ; thus was I led to look 
upon her as a friend, whose goodness sought to help me 
as a needy person. There, sir, is a note that I but 
recently received from her, and I think 3'ou will find that 
it explains itself. 

Countess de F. Coward ! You're not worthy of my 
contempt. 

Earl de F. [Reads the note aloud.'] " To Mr. Ham- 
ilton : My dear Frieyid, — / fear you misunderstood me 
about that money affair. If so, please meet me on the 
veranda this evening, and I will explain. Be sure and 
come, and you ivill find mine the friendship that you can 
sivearby. Yoior faithful friend, Countess de Foy." [To 
the Countess.] Woman ! What, he your dear friend 
after insulting you ? Yours the friendship for him to swear 
by, though having basel}' insulted you? You his faithful 
friend, though he at deadly enmity with your husband? 

Countess de F. It only means that when you make a 
carcass of that man's bod}', 3'ou will have a wife's respect 
and thanks. Coward, I but urged on joqv prey, thinking 
that, as a man, 3'ou would make sport of his life. It's 
too bad, my dear, you were so unfortunate as to make 
such a blunder ; just think of it, had you met, perhaps 
you would both be in heaven now. I always did think 
you'd make a better angel than a husband, and he a more 



S4: BLOOD. [act IV. 

profound cherub than a man. But don't let me interrupt 
you ; go on, dally, dally with the ex-valet ; you'll find him 
willing, no doubt, to hob-nob with a poltroon. After- 
wards, m}' love, come to me, and perhaps it ma}' be conve- 
nient to proceed to solemnize our divorce. [^Exit Count- 
•ess, with a stveep.'] 

Earl de F. I find, sir, that under the circumstances, 
I have deeply wronged 3'ou. 

Gab. H. And been sorel}' wronged yourself. 

Earl de F. Ah, but I would to G-od it were you who 
had wronged me and not she ; but as it is, to insist on 
your meeting me at the mere instigation of her whim, 
would be to still acknowledge mj'self her slave, which I 
will never do again, while there's freedom in a sep- 
aration ; so in all justice to you and myself for 
posting 3'ou a coward, I will publicly retract. \_Boios 
•and exits. ~\ 

Lady M. M. Marquis, I want your arm. \_The Mar- 
quis gives her his arm and they move toivard the door^ as 
■if to go.^ My errand here to-day, madame, was to insist 
on withdrawing m^' proposition in behalf of the Marquis 
for the hand of 3'our granddaughter. Recent events de- 
mand that I take this course in order to defend his honor 
and good name. 

Mrs. B. You've nothing to withdi'aw ; the Marquis 
got his answer to-da}-, on his knees, after which he bade 
us an eternal farewell, which I shall be pleased to see 
take place. 

Lady M. M. So, fool, you've been on your knees 
.again? 

Marquis M. M. The}- deserve to be blackmailed. 

Lady M. M. Blockhead ! \_Exit Marquis and Lady 
M. Jf.] 

Mr. B. Well, m}^ dear, how is your taste for blood, 
.now? 

Mrs. B. All gone. 

Mr. B. Good, 'twas poor taste. 

Mrs. B. And one on which, I trust, we'll never again 
•differ. 

Mr. B. Then we are to agree that blood's but blood, 
.and men but men. 



SCENE II.] BLOOD. 85 

Laura. So, grandma, Mr. Hamilton really saved your 
life, loo. 

Mrs. B. Yes, Laura, and very ungrateful have we 
been to liira. 

Laura. Then let him name his reward, and if not too 
late, perhaps we can make him amends. 

Gab. II. I've not forgotten your golden thanks. 

Laura. [Asi'de.^ How stupid men are! [To Gab. 
11.^ Mr. Hamilton, I see all, now, and though I wronged 
3^ou, 'twas an honest mistake, and now that we really 
know you, I can truly sa}-, it is Avith regret I see j'ou 
about to leave us. [Gab. H. looks at her in amazement.'] 

Gab. II. Well, this paj-s me for all wrongs and mis- 
takes. 

Laura. You seem easily satisfied. 

Gab. H. The beggar must be satisfied with what he 
gets, besides, even this from 3'ou is more than I expected. 

Laura. Ah, but if the beggar takes a mere pittance 
when the board is spread before him, what would you 
say? 

Gab. H. \_Looks doubtfully at her.'] I should say, 
why, — that he wasn't very hungry. 

Laura. \_Askle.] Dear me, how stupid ! I'll just kiss 
him if I get a good chance. \_To Gabriel.] Mr. Ham- 
ilton, will you even allow us to pay interest on the debt 
we owe you ? \_Ap2:)roaclies hirti.] 

Gab. H. Madame, you owe me nothing. 

Laura. [Aside.] Oh, dear, I don't know but I shall 
have to get grandpa and ma to hold him for me. 

Gab. H. Is it possible that she wishes to taunt me? 

Laura. Then my life in your eyes is a mere nothing ! 

Gab. H. Laura, I beg pardon, Miss — ; — 

Laura. Pleasfe don't be particular about calling me 
Miss ; but perhaps you don't care to call me Laura, now. 

Gab. II. [Advances totvards her and takes her hands.] 
No, not Laura, unless 'tis Laura, my little wife. 

Laura. What am I to expect in the future, if you 
begin to call me names already? 

Gab. H. But how is it, is this the sacrifice of your 
heart and hand? 

Laura. Now knowing 3'ou never to have been the 



8Q BLOOD. [act IV. 

Countess's lover, I make my choice among the world's 
m.illions. \^IIe kisses her; Mrs. B. approaches them.'] 
"What say yon, grandma, shall our preserver be thus 
rewarded? [Kisses him.] 

Mrs. B. Yes, my child, you owe him a life's devotion. 
What say you, father, do you consent? 

Mr. B. I have to say that she, like her grandmother, 
has an eye for a good-looking man, and one as good as he 
is good-looking, eh, m}' dear? Yes, the^' have my consent 
if their hearts are in the matter. [_E7iter Madame and 
Mabel Buzot.] 

Mad. B. We thought, Mr. Hamilton, we'd step in a 
moment to see you, as we just heard that you are 
about to return to America, but should judge by appear- 
ances that congratulations were more in order than 
adieux. 

GaJ). H. It was my intention to leave for America at 
once, but I've changed my mind, and concluded to post- 
pone the trip for the present. As for congratulations, 
madame, I'm happy to say that the}' are in order. 

Mad. B. Then I presume your friends here, now 
understand that you're not the poor, virtuous young man 
that the}' at first took you to be, but rather the profligate 
of a large fortune, who has been amusing himself at 
theirs and other folks' expense? 

Gab. H. I must confess that I have misled them as 
to the extent of ni}^ fortune, but doubt your ability, 
madame, to deceive them with regard to my real 
character. 

3fab. B. Then we'll leave it for you to do. \_Exit 
Madame and Mabel B.] 

Gab. H. Laura, as some one had the goodness the 
first time we met, to report me to be nobod}' but a poor 
student, for your sake I let the storj- go uncontradicted. 

Laura. For my sake? 

Gab. H. Yes, you were then reported to be in search 
of a title to wed ; this, my love for you would not let me 
believe, and so I put it to the test, and found that it was 
right. \_Pids his arm around her.] Eh? [She lays her 
head upon his shoidder. Re-enters Marquis icith a revolver 
in each hand.] • 



SCENE ir.] BLOOD. 87 

Marquis M. M. I am not ashamed to sa}', Miss 
Laura, that I'm about to die. Yes, I've come to make 
good my eternal farewell as becomes the man who loves 
you, — that is, if 3'ou haven't thought me worth a second 
consideration. 

Gab. H. Look here, Marquis, I thought you came 
here to kill yourself. 

Marquis M. M. I did, but don't you be in too big a 
hurry. 

Oab. H. But you know time is money. 

Mr. B. Bj^ the way, Marquis, if there's any way that 
we can assist you. in this matter, we shall be very happy 
to do so, 

3farquis M. M. Thank you, but this isn't much of a 
job ; I've done it befDve, 

Gah. H. Now Marquis, if yon mean business, just 
stick the muzzle of a revolver in each ear and I'll give 
3'ou the word. [ The Marquis points a revolver towards 
each ear.] Now then. 

Marquis M. M. What, now? 

Gab. II. No, not now, but after I count three. Now, 
one, two — , \^The Marquis fires both revolvers over 
his head.^ I should judge. Marquis, that 3'ou never had 
much practice in committing suicide. 

Marquis M. M. Well, to be candid, I haven't in- 
dulged in a matter of this kind lately. 

Gab. II. Now then, suppose you try it again ; this 
time you may succeed in getting the whole top of your 
head off. 

Marquis M. M. The whole top of my head off — why 
that'd spoil my hair. 

Gab. H. Never mind, we'll see that it's oiled and 
combed all right again. 

Marquis M. M. [^Points the revolvers at his head., and 
takes them doimi again.'] Don't forget that I part my 
hair on the left side. 

Mr. B. Certainly, and we'll see that your jaw is tied 
up, and your eyes closed ; anci, b}^ the way, I presume 
3^ou'd like to be put on ice, at once? 

Marquis M. M. What, and freeze me to death? 

Gab. H. Suppose ^'ou put the muzzles of your revolv- 



88 BLOOD. [act IV. 

ers in 5'^our mouth this time. [TAe Marquis puts the 
muzzles of Ms revolvers in his moiith.'\ Now then. 

Marquis M. M. What, now ? 

Gab. H. No, when I give the word, — now, one, 
two — 

Marquis M. M. [ Takes the revolvers out of his mouth.'] 
Confound them, they won't go off. \_Examines them and 
they go off as if by accident.'] 

Gab. H. Let me see one of them. [^Takes one of the 
revolvers.] There, while I'm examining this one, you 
can try the other one again. \_Gab.' H. fires it out of the 
windoiv.] 

Marquis M. M. This is a very nice carpet, isn't it. 

Mr. B. Yes, 'tis a fine article to fall on. 

Marquis M. M. Wouldn't it be too bad to spoil it 
with my blood ? 

Mr. B. Well, I admit it'd make it a second-hand 
affair, but then it deserves a pretty good article. 

Got). H. Go on. Marquis, if you spoil it, we'll take up 
a subscription and replace it. \_Fires the other revolver 
out of the windoiv.] Why, this is all right ; you ought 
to be able to kill yourself ever}^ time with it. 

Mr. B. Yes, Marquis, and as far as we are concerned 
you shall have all the respect due a corpse. 

Gcd). H. So you see there isn't the slightest reason 
in the world why you shouldn't blow 3^our head off. 

Marquis M. M. If 1 could only be persuaded. 

Gab. H. \_Gives him the revolver.] Be careful, that's 
your last shot. 

Marquis M. M. Is it? \_Fires it off as if by accident.] 
Just my luck. \_Re-enter Lady M. M.^ with a scream, 
followed by Lady Carra, Countess de Foy, Madame and 
Mabel B., Lord Carra and Earl de Foy. Marquis M. 
M. points both revolvers at the ladies, they scream.] Stand 
back ; I'm in no mood to be trifled with now ; I am about 
to take a lover's leap into eternity, and if 3'ou wish to be 
calm spectators of how the thing is done, why, I've no 
objections ; but if any one of you goes to kicking up a 
rumpus or a bluster, b}'' all the furies of desperation, I'll 
not take this leap alone. \^He points the revolvers at his 
head, and with a scream, Lady M. M. springs forward 



SCENE II.] BLOOD. 89 

and grasps one of his arms, followed by Lady Carra, vjJio 
grasjjs the other o«e.] 

Marquis M. M. There's no use in trying to die ; 
everything's against me. 

Curtain. 



B L O O 13 



M #^lmm^l CiJ^m^^: 



Iiq- IF-OTT^ J^OTS. 



By JOHN J. FOX, M. D. 



BOSTON : 

PRINTED BY J. W, PITMAN & SON, 
No. 23 Wat Ell Street. 
1879. 



